Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Fitness

I like fitness. Scratch that, I like having fitness but I don't necessarily LOVE performing The Fitness. I don't just mean physical fitness, I mean all of the fitness. Mental fitness can be a real chore too it turns out. Maybe I'm the only one who didn't realize that your mind can run away with all your loot. All that fitness you performed at the gym can just be swallowed whole by your sneaky thief mind with its nooks and crannies of doubt and trap laying of self deprecation. I have been known to eat correctly all day, then go to the gym and workout like the triathlete my quirky t-shirt probably says I am and then get home to confront the heckler in the balcony which is, of course, my mind. "Oh, so you figure one workout and a few salads can help you get your shit together do you?" That's the bitch in the balcony for you. Always laying in wait with some rude comment to distract you while she makes away with your day's spoils. Here's  the thing, you have to call security on her. No more of this hearing all sides of a story stuff. she has to go and she has to go now. She has to be forcibly removed with a big strong security guard or even a mob of awesome people who want to take that balcony and turn it into a cheering section. How the heck do we summon the strength to call security on her. She's always sat there honestly. Is it right to just show up and remove her? Yes! Yes it is. She has to go, now and if she doesn't like it then she better get her shit together and change her attitude because the balcony is for fans. All this to say, I called security on the bitch in the balcony. Hopefully she decides to go with a bit of peace (insert side-eye here).


In other news, yesterday was meatless Monday and it went fine until I ate popcorn and a kernel got stuck between a crown and I nearly fainted from the pain of trying to pry it out with a dental tool I bought at the pharmacy and some floss because my dentist couldn't see me. Of course I made and appointment for today and during the night my mouth just sort of pushed the damn thing out FFS (for f*ck's sake). Anyway. I guess I'm back to blogging my sorrows. Good luck--to whomever might be out there reading this I guess