Wednesday, December 30, 2009

So I get my car back from the dealer last night

And guess what? They fixed the whole strut/alignment issue and even fix the lighter (which I never use and didnt know was inoperable) but they failed to fix the light the behind the CD player console. Sigh, I have to now call them again and hope against hope that I don't have to get another horrid rental from the Toyota-Rent-a-car place. That Yaris was not my cup of tea! I much rather my heavy little sunroof-having silver, (lane) surfer.
7 whole days in a strangers car, yuck! But at least I didnt have to pay for it so YAY for the warranty! 50 bucks for 400 dollars worth of work and parts!
Anyway, the New Year is coming and I had said that I would not commit to any resolutions but what can I say, I gave in to tradition and had to compile a list of sorts. (anyone who knows me knows that if you put something in list format I am all over it!).
I have pretty big plans for the New Year so I figure at the least, an outline is in order.
  1. I plan to increase my savings by 15% this year. Last year's goal was to increase my savings by 5% and I did it by 10% so I figure I should be a little more ambitious this year, especially since life will not be contained! LOL.
  2. Maintain my dreadlocks in a more timely manner. Okay, I dont have the matted look or anything but I get so busy that I dont get to get down with the upkeep as soon as might be necessary. No one can tell but me but that's enough!
  3. Move out of the South! This is paramount right now. Unfortunately, Texas is doing well during this economic down turn and so I have to realistic with this goal. The move will not come before the end of 2010 for a fact but it is definetely gonna happen!
  4. Increase my freelance writing income by at least 50%. I dont plan to work a regular 9 to 5 a year from now and so I have to make sure that my freelance life can support my desired/necessary lifestyle. I am only using 1 income to calculate the amount of money needed so that there will be a SURPLUS of sorts when the goal is realized.
  5. Cook, Serve,Bank! Keep chef-ing! I'm a Viking in the kitchen and everone will know it by year's end! You already know! LOL. 
  6. HEALTH--enough said! Well, maybe not, get checked for EVERYTHING NOW! Ladies, I'm talking to you especially! Gents, that prostate aint gonna take care of itself. Girls, feel your "girls" for abnormalities or let your significant other check for you but CHECK!

Okay, well this is the loose, vague list of what will be my 2010, if you dont have a list dont fret. Not everybody needs one. Just live a life you can be Proud of. Everyone can tell when you should be ashamed and will likely be ashamed of you (they wont tell you of course but you know when the people you care about are seeing you at your least worthy).
 Do yourself a favor and tell yourself the truth. Now the diehard cowards who successfully lie to themselves may be beyond help but they rest of us have no excuses.
Keep your word, don't die a coward, be decent, pay your debts--the Karma you save may be your own.
Karmically yours
Me!

Monday, December 28, 2009

forgive the Typos

Haven't been here in a while, well since my birthday I think but that is only because life was calling. Well I made it to 38 and ate about that many pounds of food in celebration of the fact. If you want a primo dining experience then Fogo De Chao is the way to go! A Brazilian steakhouse that is not for those trying to cleanse their colons. I posted the pics on my Facebook page if anyone wants to see pics of food (I am assuming that everyone is the same level of foodie that I am of course). At any rate my FB is open to everyone so go on over and take a look at some fun food pics and see how far I have gotten in my Farmville escapades LOL! Well the winter holiday was great, and I spent a ton of time with the extended family. Wait I am getting ahead of myself, let's go back to the day after my second birthday dinner last Tuesday night.
Okay, so my bestfriend (whom I have known since highschool--10th grade) took me to a Chinese buffet and the food was good, until the next morning. Talk about food poisoning. I went to work looking quite green around the gills and didnt learn a thing in my training class. All day, co-workers asked if I was feeling okay and I most certainly could not fake that I was anything less than miserable. Still, I trudged along through the day. Now this was the same day that I got dropped off at work and the car had to be taken in for service. So after the Artist sat at the dealership for hours upon hours they inform him who then informs me that they have to order a part and get us a rental. He makes his way home and manages to pick me up, get me to the dealership to get the insurance card and my GPS out of the car, then to the Toyota Rent-a-Car place to get whatever car they have that is under 25 bucks per day, luckily they have a couple to choose from. We get the Yaris (which I dont particularly care for but is only 20 bucks per day and EXCELLENT on gas mileage. Then we make it home by 6pm which is awesome since I get off work at 4pm everyday and can get tons of crap done before every thing closes for the day. I immediately puke my guts out (even though I have eaten nothing the entire day thanks to whatever parasites existed in that nasty-ass buffet) and I am down for the count. The Artist goes to visit family so the apartment is nice and quite for the evening.
Thursday I am up and ready to live life, I am off work for 4 days (gotta love them gub'ment jobs!) and Mom's is the first stop since all the fam is at her place. We party down! The rest of the weekend goes a little like Cook-Eat-Laugh-Cook-Eat-Laugh (repeat as necessary)! The pics are of course on FB, my lemon pies were the absolute talk of the town (but I've been making them since I was 12 years old). I don't celebrate Christmas per se but my family does and I love to be with good people and good food so I was in Pagan Paradise. I don't exchange gifts but my birthday (and mom's) is in December so I always get something and I always give her something on her birthday (this year she asked for her favorite--bath crap and Clint Eastwood's newest movie Gran Torino). She Loves Mr. Eastwood...
Anyway the weekend was too short but at least I have another long one coming for New Year's  and another family party to attend. Hope you all had a great weekend.
Karma is cyclical so watch your back, Be Decent and Keep your Word. Nothing worse than a Man (or Woman) who isn't as Good as his word.
Karmically Yours

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

fun facts about me and food

  1.  I cook every single meal I consume. No choice, especially right now. All organic, all natural, baked or broiled almost exclusively (I really miss fried chicken from Popeyes!). Wait! I did make fried fish a month ago but I got express permission to do so. Man, it was magical! Sigh. oops I ate at chilis recently because I was over duck and dressing! other than that, I cook at home.
  2. I post almost every meal I cook on Facebook. My friends and I trade recipes and pics. I am a chef (Recently I have had catering jobs), Right now I am a personal chef part-time. I put together dinner parties for couples and such of NO MORE than 8 people at a time. The hardest part has been learning wines (I don't really have the pallet for wine so I have had to go on countless tastings and had to take the wine course 3 times) LOL. Yeah!
  3. In Texas you must take the following courses to get food handlers certification--Basic Food Safety, Personal Hygiene, Cross-contamination & Allergens, Time & Temperature, Cleaning & Sanitation. Pricey and time consuming but necessary & worth it.
  4. I get my love of cooking honestly. My mother was a cook for 28 years, my biological father was a barbecue chef and my step-father was an actual chef for a major Hotel Restaurant (The Warwick) in the museum district in Houston back in the day. The place is called something else now and my step father has long since passed. He made me love reading, photography (I have published photos in 2 local Houston newspapers of the annual International Festival), cooking and of course Writing (I am a published writer with a decent writer's resume and a stabilizing business.
  5. My TV is ALWAYS on the Food Network. Chopped is my favorite show and I watch Top Chef on Hulu, or is it Fancast? No I think it is Hulu.
  6. I keep my word and I pay my debts.
  7. I am no coward and I no longer associate with or worse yet, support them. You will end up supporting a shapeless untrustworthy blob if you even begin to associate with those coward types. Wipe your brow if you dodged a bullet and thank whomever saved you from yourself, I do daily (I really send a thanks into the universe for my saving grace, I hope like hell my words hold them to one another. They kinda deserve one another, I know for sure that no one else in the world deserves either of them. I like to call them the perfect murder/suicide LOL). 
Be safe and true and decent.
Keep your word.
Karmically yours
Me

    Thursday, December 10, 2009

    I know that I said I was gonna discuss a quote from "A Mercy" but Rick Warren is once again under my damn skin!

    Are you kidding me? No seriously? Rick Warren seemed to think that Uganda in all of their murder the gay away glory was "A purpose driven nation," and the man in Uganda who is pushing this legislation, which by the way will see homosexuals imprisoned or HANGED for their sexuality, is regarded as a "brother" by Rick Warren's wife and has been an honored guest/visitor to the Warren family California home.
    Okay, okay, so you associate with whomever you choose. Fine. But uhm when there is policy in a country to sanction murder based on bigotry then maybe just distancing yourself from the guy pushing the legislation is not enough. Maybe, just maybe, you know as a Christian minister and a follower of Christ you should perhaps DENOUNCE said guy and the proposed legislation. Maybe you should support EDUCATING the people of such a region instead of fueling ignorance, intolerance, MURDER and barbarism. But hey, I'm no Christian minister so what do I know about these things...
    Maybe any number of the other Self-Proclaimed Christians in Politics and government over here in the good old USA could publicly denounce murdering or imprisoning homosexuals.
    Oh and is there some reason Cohen cant just come right out and say that he effing fabricated those absurd statistics regarding the predilection of gays to
    gay up the kids and worse yet, molest them? WTF?
    The best he could do was say that with his next printing of the "book" he would remove those erroneous and completely UNFOUNDED statistics involving homosexuals and sexual crime/deviancy toward children!
    ugh!
    be decent, keep your word!
    karmically yours
    me

    Tuesday, December 8, 2009

    Why is every crack pot's first stop Africa?

    Is Richard Cohen serious? Really? Is this repressed, hate-peddling snake oil salesman really serious? He can cure "The Gay" with some same-sex cuddling and a little tennis racket to pillow wielding.
    Okay, clearly I am emotional about this garbage he is dangerously attempting to drag into Uganda of all places! Okay, Uganda has enough to deal with without this clown fueling anti-gay sentiments which by the way are now leading Uganda into a human rights quagmire that is tantamount to the mess Idi Amin left in his twisted wake. Uganda is pushing to gays imprisoned and/or executed if they refuse to be "healed" with Cohen's ridiculous methods!
    Uganda has an HIV AIDS pandemic, poverty, housing and infrastructure issues and this man is encouraging ignorance and barbarism in a place that is teeming with both already. Legalizing, persecution, bigotry and murder will not cure the AIDS crisis in Uganda, education, and information on the other hand will go a long way.
    I am fuming. Watch Rachel Maddow's interview with this opportunist to get the full story...ugh I just know that I am gonna end up an activist in the near future!

    Cowards are dangerous because they masquerade as the brave people. I knew such a coward a few years back. Keep your word, stand for something or at least against something that is wrong....

    I wanna talk about a quote next time---

    "To be given dominion over another is a hard thing; to wrest dominion over another is a wrong thing; to give dominion of yourself to another is a wicked thing."
    — Toni Morrison (A Mercy)

    Here's to shaking off the hate and releasing the demons ( and dumping the cowards)
    Karmically Yours
    Me!

    Sunday, December 6, 2009

    "It was a pleasure to burn"

    is one of my favorite first lines. I love that line. Within it you know something about the speaker. The speaker finds pleasure, happiness and most of all ecstasy in flames--regardless of the type. Is it passion's flame or the gift of Prometheus that elates the speaker so? We don't know yet but we are already committed to finding out.

    See that's the thing about first lines. Whether it's a movie, a poem, a song, or a book (especially a book) the first line determines whether or not we are going to invest the time and effort into taking a bigger chunk out of whatever it is we are attempting to explore. With this in mind, every so often, I try to think of what the first line might be if I were a book of my life rather than a live action interpretation of said life. Would I start off with eerie pleasure or with a compassionate sort of feel. I like to think that my opening line would be the stuff of epics but I believe the first line of my life would likely start with something far more humble like say,
    "It's a girl",
    Luckily we can create our own first line as it might indicate the fascinating bits to come, were one to open the book and keep reading...
    What's YOUR first line? I write and rewrite my story often these days so that I know that I am constantly moving forward. It is the only way for me to stay focused and motivated. It has worked for me so far and I certainly dont plan to drop the process now. Maybe we need a new first line as a nation...
    Don't forget to finish the rest of the book once you get that first line just right.
    Pay your debts, Keep your word, write or rewrite your book, first line and all...
    I need to get cracking on my first line if you don't mind...
    Karmically Yours
    Me!

    Wednesday, December 2, 2009

    I Have No idea what to Title this

    so I won't.
    I watched the President's address last night. After which I watched Houston's Mayoral Debate. I will be voting for Annise Parker and not Gene Locke. He was lawyer for some interesting parties here in Houston and elsewhere and I just don't trust him not to be dollars driven at the detriment to the city. Just my opinion. I will say this, his involvment with damn near every black church in town is disconcerting for me. He is willing to accept money from groups who are oppossed to Annise Parker based on her sexual orientation. I find this guiling because bigotry should never be excused or tolerated and Locke as a black man should know better and be better.
    As for The President, My President, Our President, I am truly and ultimately---torn. I don't want more war. I don't want more troops, sons, daughter, mothers, fathers, loved ones, Lost. I just dont. But I am not in Afghanistan, watching my children, my daughters, be subjegated and trod upon, watching my sons and husbands and fathers die for antiquated ideas, and tyrannical, power-hungry zealots.
    If we leave Afghanistan now will we have a situation of civil unrest as was seen in Rwanda once of Belgium just pulled up stakes and disappeared before stabilizing a volitile situation.

    Wait, I'm far too emotional to keep going in this fashion---
    I was listening to an audiobook by one of my favorite political historians, Sarah Vowel and she was talking about John Winthrop's "A Model of Christian Charity" and how it lead to shaping of this America (albeit on the backs of the indigenous and enslaved). I need to interject here that I am not a Christian. I do not believe that we (America) has some divine, God given right to be the standard for the world. I do however believe that we a good Nation, that strives to be that "city upon a hill" and because of this we have an obligation.  I digress---Winthrop talks about up being a "city upon a hill" and how we should be a model for other nations on morality, just law, good will and above all, Peace.
    Peace. That's what is missing from our rhetoric today. Are we not even pretending to strive for it any more? I heard, much to my chagrin, a lot of what I heard for the last 8 years--fear mongering, postering.
    Now if you tell me we need to send more troops into Afghanistan to stabilize the nation, protect the citizens, and act NOT as colonizers and opportunists but as ambassadors of peace which will require the hard removal of rebel/terrorist forces for the good of Afghan citizens, then I will respect the decision even if I don't agree with it. But don't give me more of the last 2 terms without even attempting to change the tired speech Bush gave not even 2 years ago or not even throwing in a "good faith effort" here and a "peace" there.
    I love my country, and I support my President but I want the thing offered during the campaign--CHANGE.
    I want our troops home, I want families together, I want a decent, viable and accessible healthcare system, and above all Peace.
    I may have to get up off my soapbox and my Ass and go grassroots in a minute....
    Be decent, keep your word---something the current administration might want to consider.
    Karmically yours
    Me

    Tuesday, December 1, 2009

    Hmmmm

    For the record, Laurels Literary Magazine is published by The University of St Thomas (Houston's premier Catholic University) and I was published a total of 3 times in said mag. This was for YOU, and we both know who you are...sigh
    Anyway you can also look up Callalou, which is a literary mag that focuses on the African, Caribbean and African American writer to a great degree. Ah predictability...taste like hate but then I would expect little else for some people. Yeah, I own my shit and maybe I am not the one who needs an investigation (hint-Hint).

    The President's address was..........something. I have some thoughts on this that I am still taking apart and putting back together....more troops, more war, more loss.
    No wonder the VA has all of those adds seeking employees. Damn....

    Be decent, keep your word, and uhm maybe worry about the right things (this means you).
    Karmically yours
    Me!

    Tuesday notes

    1. It is AIDS Awareness Day/ month. Get tested! Know your status and recognize that this epidemic runs rampant in the black community with black women accounting for the bulk of NEW cases!
    2. Check your boobies regularly!
    3. Watch your diet, diabetes claims more lives than HIV and Cancer combined annually! Yeah! Pretty freaking staggering considering how many lives are lost due to Cancer and HIV/AIDS!
    4. Take care of yourself first and you will be that much more equipped to take care of the people you love.
    5. Revenge is a waste of energy and time. You dont have to forget but letting yourself forgive is a pretty good idea---ugh! I am trying to take my own advice on this front.
    6. Don't let him/her make you feel inadequate. Take that negativity and flip it. They know for a fact that without them YOU would do a heck of a lot better in business, in love and most assuredly in life.
    7. It is really nice to have people in your life who think of YOU sometimes, I've had the alternative and lets just say that they are likely still only motivated to concentrate on the most important person in their life---Themselves.

      Keep your word. Pay your debts. Save yourself (yeah, I'm talking to YOU).

      Karmically yours

      Me!


    Monday, November 30, 2009

    Caution--Sweeping Generalizations ahead--So much for being thankful you douche!

    I notice that when you need to get away from misery you tend to do the opposite. You tend to stick it out in the hopes that everything that you have sacrificed (and honey, you are the only one doing the sacrificing to be sure) will make the oh so tiny bit you gained seem worth it. I am so sorry that it is you but I sure did hate it when it was me. It's a most curious thing to have someone who has worked tirelessly not to ever take care of themselves criticize someone who has almost always, exclusively taken care of themselves. I mean they criticize your efforts, basically try to embarrass you for the comfortable life you live, even though they are enjoying the fruits of your labor constantly and with so much brazen gusto. They rag on the clothes you wear but snatch up with greedy hands the clothing you buy them, they rag on the food you cook/eat and gobble down every scrap of protein you so unselfishly provide, they rag about your health and they congeal and stagnate before your very eyes in front of the TV or computer you have worked so hard to pay for...
    You know I meditated before my altar today and I really had to send a positive prayer into the universe for all the women I know who are dealing with all I just mentioned, hell the men too for that matter!
    Protect yourselves from negativity friends, it will make your body a breeding ground for illness, trust me, I know first hand. Let whomever she/he is take the dead weight off your hands, they did you a favors my loves.
    here's to whomever helped you dodge a bullet, consider them gardian angels of a sort...may they find happiness and peace and may they receive blessings for saving someone else from their fate....
    Keep you damn word, seriously, just fucking do it you coward(be you male or female)---ugh
    Karmically Yours
    Me

    Saturday, November 28, 2009

    Boondock Saints II and Tids and Bits



    1. Well, I had to work until 3pm on Friday so I didnt do any of the old Black Friday stuff. I never do though since I used to work in retail and was always too annoyed with the crowds to be a participant. This year I don't have to work the lines, unlock the doors or make the deposits and man does it feel good. 
    2. So I am spending my Saturday getting the car serviced (maybe) at the very least I need to change the rear signal light bulb so Autozone is in my future.   Got the car serviced and replaced the signal light bulb myself--yep, I'm pretty dang handy!
    3. Beyond that I have my home office to finally work on ( I keep putting it off and now I can't get around it any longer).
    4. 2 short stories to complete, and 2 long projects to pay some attention to.
    5. I refused to eat anymore "holiday?" food and last night had ribs and steamed broccoli! It was delicious!
    6. I Saw "Boondock Saints II, All Saints Day" last night and it was JUST as good as the first one! All the original characters came back and it looks like there will be another one after this! I hope so, this franchise is too bad-ass to let falter.    
    7. Tonight I will see Ninja Assassin! I effing love action movies with a little impossibility built in, it must be the sci/fi fantasy freak in me.I mean the mix of story, and the fantastic is just too much for me to pass up.
    8. I just finished Toni Morrison's "A Mercy" for a second time and it is still quite beautiful. The last monologue of the mother at the end really brings tears to the eyes. The theme of female betrayal is extremely prevalent in the novel and the interview with Toni Morrison is just brilliant. She talks about how women betray one another as a way to make what they have achieved seem like what they want. The woman is just a masterful storyteller. Her empathy mixed with Octavia Butler's lean writing style and stark/shark portrayl of the human psyche under extreme stress/duress is kind of what inspires my writing style. Of course comic books, hip-hop and women as saviors also motivate my writing style.
    Anyway that is all for now. If you have to tell us how handsome, funny, smart or enlightened you are constantly, it might mean your actions arent really telling the truth of the matter, sooooooo
    Yeah, anyway be who you claim to be, do what you can to settle those debts (to yourself and others) and keep your word, always keep your word---when the money runs out, you gotta have something of value that can never be spent in total and that, my friend is your word....

    Karmically yours
    Me!

      Thursday, November 26, 2009

      Notes for, but not about, what should be a National Day of Atonement...

      1. Cooking in someone elses's kitchen is weird. Everything is in a bizarre place.
      2. I finished the cooking with time to help my client set the table and jet! I added the photo to my portfolio with the notation that the place setting is NOT an original of mine (they had family place settings for their use), I received payment promptly of the remaining agreed upon sum plus a bonus of ----. 
      3. I am a caterer, a writer, and soon a more visible photographer. 
      4. Monetary stability is a real soother! Especially when you are orchestrator of your good fortune, you have no drains on your wallet and mind and especially (again) when you have new obligations coming in about 3 months, LOL. 
      5. I have to stay off my feet more.
      6. Ladies! Don't wait until 50 for a mammogram. That is surely a death sentence! Please don't wait! Don't! If you are afraid to go alone, ask someone to go with you. If you live in Houston, email me and I'll go with you. Seriously. I have done it before and I'll do it a million times for a million people. Just don't wait.
      7. My biological father is part Yavepai, my mother is part Black Foot (from the Mississippi Delta), and those Nations do not celebrate Thanksgiving, although my maternal family always has, my biological father's family does not and I do not. I don't even pretend to anymore,
      8. but I am thankful for a bounty of things all year and every single day. 
      9. I guess today I am thankful to have the courage of my convictions, which is very rare for some people...used to be rare for me. I don't keep company with cowards either (that was my old way). Own your shit and mend your fences before you try to school someone else,please.
      10. It is nice work if you can get it (well if you have a knack for work anyway---there are a lot of folks and ugh---men--who don't), thank goodness for the abscence of sponges!

      Karmically Yours,
      Me!

      Monday, November 23, 2009

      When Passive Aggression is Out right Aggression

      Forgive the typos!

      Okay, this has been coming for a long time. I thought that I would be all douche-y about it once it arrived and act all ego driven when the time came. But no. It's time to address one of the many wrongs I committed for my own edification. Got that? Mine, Me. This is purely for my benefit and to cleanse a few spots on the old Femigog board. Gotta keep ya'self honest ya know?

      I have been terrible to people I care/cared about. I have not done it accidentally in some cases. These intentional cases are the ones I need to address, while the list is not miles long, the items on it bother me and they should. I could have been a better person, a better friend and a better woman in these instances and I knowingly chose not to and for that I am deeply regretful and completely sorry for those things. I called 3 people to tell them personally that I apologize. 2 of those people immediately said that they forgive me for those actions, expressed appreciation that I would even attempt to right a wrong so long in the past and insisted that we talk about the issue at length in an effort to bring them closure and myself atonement. They are far bigger than I might be were the situation reversed. I would like to think that I am  mature enough to do the same, and I think I am but I am not completely sure, ya kow.
      Anyway, the third person was still quite angry (as they have every right to be) and was not ready to forgive.

      "I understand, you don't owe me anything." 
      "Yeah, but I just can't let it go yet. So..."
      "No, No, you don't have to do anything. I just wanted you to know that I acknowledge what I did to you. How I might have made you feel and I just wanted you to know that I'm not that person. I am extremely ashamed of my behavior and you deserve to see that I am indeed ashamed of myself for it and regret the entire matter."
      "Okay. Well, thanks. Seriously, thanks. But I don't think we'll be hanging out and what not anytime in the near or even far off future. But thanks and take care."
      "You too and thanks for hearing me out. I really appreciate it."

      And that was that. I really wish it had gone as well as the other 2 times but ...I feel like I should do something more but I am sure they just want me to stay away. Hell at least they took my call. That took a mature individual, something I wasn't in my dealings with them.
      I was a young woman when I committed these transgressions against these people, early 20s to be precise or slightly vague depending on your view. I will be 38 next month and can honestly say that I have not maliciously set out to hurt anyone since being a pill of woman in my 20s. Well, I did right a rather scathing attack on someone in a journal I believed to be private and I immediately apologized for the attack when they announced to me that they had indeed read the attack. Honestly, I have to say that at the time I was sorry for a few things associated with that journal entry. The first thing is that they had in fact read it, the second thing is the fact that I wanted to be hateful to them because I was so voiceless. And lastly I am sorry that I, for a long time was happy that I had indeed hurt them. I am not happy about these things but I did very well do them. I won't repeat them but, yeah, I own them.

      The countdown continues and I really need work on wines (I don't seem to have a real pallett for anything that is too acidic or rather not sweet).
      Keep your word, be who you claim and claim who you are...
      Karmically Yours,
      Me.

      Saturday, November 21, 2009

      This is MY Life the way I Lived it Whether anyone likes it or Not.

      Many Diseases of the Body start in the Mind and multiply in the GUT!
      If you feel something in your gut, go with it. The human body is not too far removed from it's primal fight or flight instinct. Go with your gut every time. Better to ere on the side of caution, advice I should have taken a number of times in the past. It has been my habit to give the benefit of the doubt to people and situations until I get unequivocal proof, just ignoring my inner voice.
      Sometimes I stuck around even after the proof was evident, this is entirely my fault and I take full responsibility for my ignorance and inability to be my own  champion.
      Yes this is gonna be about me and my relationship past so check out now if you are not interested. I blog for my own benefit and to dump the toxins, so if you can't take that feel free to head in another direction. Yes I'm taking to you Miss Email and apparently some other person "trying to watch out for my girl".  With friends like you uhm ladies? who needs enemies?
      So I have talked alot about a relationship I had 2 years ago (Well I was the ONLY one in that relationship so, I reckon you cant really call it that can you? )
      Had I gone with my gut I would have got the hell out of there far earlier than I did. I think I should have abandoned ship when I read some instant messages passed between He and the object of his affection that included a quip about me "keeping a man who didnt want to be kept". Yeah and she only knew what he told her about me, so much for sisterhood and solidarity huh? I keep getting emails from clowns about...anyway, that shit is too fucking one-sided for me to even consider, but then, that's why I'm me and other people are who they are. Anyway, back to MY therapy.
      I wrote one helluva research paper for a small feminist magazine based heavily on my experience with a woman who knew about me through hearsay and made sweeping judgements and indictments against me in pursuit of a man. The paper dealt with black women and solidarity in particular. The saddest part of my paper was that it only proved pre-concieved notions about black women as enemies regarding men. Yeah, sad indeed. Anyway in her defense, he told her he didnt want to be kept and left me out of the loop so to speak. If you have never heard/read 2 people discussing you like they would a couch (you know, with a take it or leave it attitude) then let me tell you that I hope you never do. You dont even want to know about the uhm sexy notes they passed back and forth. How dumb was I? Get this, I asked about it and he literally told me that he "was just getting her hot" and that it was "no big deal". Those were literally the words used. I took that shit like a clown. Another sad proof of my research. UGH! Hindsight is 20/10 in my case. Please tell me none of you were as feckless as I was. I was an opportunist's DREAM. LOL! Anyway, he drained me, cuckolded me and then left me. I lay shaking in a daze and soon was dangerously ill (I believe it was from keeping it all inside and to myself).
      The problem is that I knew something was off and I just let it go. I didn't fight or run, I just let it go and held all the shit I was felling inside. The room mates saw it and tried to get me to open up repeatedly (Yeah, ther were actual room-mates who can attest to much of what happened in my life because I invited it into the home we all shared together. Anyway, I refused to tell them anything and my health suffered.
      Before I started writing and meditating and stretching out all the garbage I internalized I was literally falling apart from the inside out. I had to make serious changes fast and choosing the proper treatment was paramount to my survival.
      Now, I keep nothing in and I go with my GUT everytime. And guess what? I fought off one hell of an invader! I take care of me first! If I'm in pieces then my quality of life is...well..in pieces and I will not let that shit happen again. Never. Likewise I don't hide anything from anyone, including myself. I'm pretty sensitive and I get hurt pretty deeply, I used to be really careful about never letting any of my pain out and that strategy kills, so no thanks!
      The new leaf I turned over has changed me in ways that many of my friends found difficult to take, AT FIRST, but now that they know all, they embrace and protect me and I am more than thankful for them. Just writing this here now (I was using a private journal for a while) is extremely theraputic.

      Now, I need to buy a frame for my Food Handlers Certificate and finish the menu for the dinner party I am catering for Thanksgiving (since I don't celebrate I decided it was the perfect chance to get another personal chef job added to the old entertaining resume). It's amazing what a little mortal scare will do for getting one to market ones-self relentlessly! LOL. I plan to be the first ever, private chef/writer/photographer and to be independently employed by this time next year. That is gonna be an amazing hat trick, but I am already loving the ride!
      Anyway, I got work to do. I won't be able to work too much longer, for a few months anyway (overjoyed is an understatement--the name is already chosen, but I'm not letting the cat out of the bag just yet.)
      This is MY life and the way I tell it is the way I lived it, whether anyone likes it or not.
      Be decent, keep your word,
      Karmically Yours
      Me!

      Friday, November 20, 2009

      Quick Friday Notes----

      1. It's raining here, which means that the weather is gonna give it the old college try at beginning a winter season.
      2. I'm a lover not a fighter but in the words of Kanye West "The only thing I wish? I wish a nigg* would." Bitch please, you aint shit in comparison to what I just fought off. This is the dirty and as such feel free to jump whenever you feelin' squirrel-ly! You damn sure aint the only one with folks.
      3. Yawn...."Me thinks the lady doth protest too much," this is one of my favorite quotes for a reason. If you have to constantly announce it, you should likely consider just who it is you are trying to convince. Oh and by the way, everyone knows exactly who and what you are and soooooooo, you can probably stop with the hot air.
      4. Double Yawn....you get what you pay for. And sometimes it is a whole lot of nothing with a staggering price tag.
      5. Cancer is a BITCH! There, I said it! I mean remission is awesome but it only offers happiness with ominous-ness (is that a word?). Anyway, Cancer is a BITCH!
      6. Venting gets the poison out and less poison means less Cancer, soooo Go Fuck Yourself Cancer!
      7. Yoga and Meditation are AWESOME! 
      8. Self Awareness is Paramount! Telling yourself the truth about yourself is tough but shit, it can only get better from there, right? I mean you will know the absolute worst about yourself and you can dump the poison and keep the sweet parts.
      9. Hate is a waste of ever fleeting time and a WASTER of the body. I do not hate. I vent but never will anyone have the power to waste my time or my body on a wasted ass emotion. This is one of the many things I like about myself.
      10. Remission is FUCKING AWESOME! There, I said it.
      11. I really miss the taste of fast food. Still! I don't miss the damage it does/did but damn-it sometimes I just want "2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun"
      12. uhm if someone says "what you did really hurt me and made me cry" I'm guessing the mystery of whether something hurt them and made them cry is a non-mystery----sooooooo, yeah, you didn't expose them, they pretty much told you, clown!
      13. Just as physical disease can run in families so too can emotional turmoil. I know whole families who are suffering under both physical and mental dis-ease. Damn...Hopefully they will pull through all of it together and with as few battle scars as possible.
      14. I wish everyone peace from disease period. It's fucking hard to live a good life without a bunch of extra shit raining down on you.  Really fucking hard! Trying to stay emotional positive and balanaced aint always easy and on some days, it just isnt possible. Treatment is fucking....I can't even begin to tell you....
      15. Stop emailing me whoever you are. I ain't answering no questions about nobody's past but my own. I write MT experiences and MY perceptions of past events. The events are true to me as they are MY impressions and MY perceptions!  My blog is open to everyone to read and so is my facebook account. You don't have to be friends with me to read anything about me online because I am DAMN comfy with myself and I aint got shit to hide (trust me, as a federal employee they go over your shit with a fine tooth comb), but if someone else has barred you from getting the skinny on them then you need to respect that shit and press on. Everyone is grown and so you don't need to police adults. Beat feet in the other direction. and damn-it be nice for fuck's sake! Leave these people the fuck alone! Sheesh
      In the words of Sade "It's only love that gets you through"
      Take care of one another, spread love and chase that poison out, you got no choice, the alternative is to rot alive and that is worse than death.
      Karmically Yours
      Me!

      Wednesday, November 18, 2009

      I Think That Meaning

      What you Say is important. Extremely. I know that was a sentence fragment but still, I mean it. If you tell someone that you feel guilt for something you should mean it, if you tell someone you like/dislike something, you should mean it and damn-it if you say you love someone you should mean it.

      I am friends with someone who tells people that they love them all the time to get out of tight spots, to gain an upper hand and to get what they want. They dont mean it and that is fucking despicable.
      I have had people say they love me and not really mean it, but that was in high school when people are at their most egocentric (hopefully anyway). I have only had one grown ass man tell me that he loved me and he absolutely, unequivocally did not mean it and it was devastating when I found out the truth. They, of course, were able to happily and merrily skip right on past me and that bullet wound to the heart like nothing ever happened, (seriously, they literally acted as though I had never existed to the point of laughing with me on the phone one day and marrying someone else not even 3 months later without so much as a why or even to just say "Hey bitch, we are through!" Nothing). Now that was nothing for them, truly, but for me it was painful and ugly and completely monstrous. I was heartbroken. I cried and tried to call him (he didn't answer my calls, reneged on loans I gave and just pretended I was not on the planet), after which I cried some more. It was a bad scene, especially after I learned that he was married 3 months later via the internet. Now that dude was seriously not into me if he could perform a stunt like that! I can't even talk about the self esteem issues that came from that...ugh, nasty self loathing stints, really!
      I mean this dude was telling me he loved me while he was courting the woman he would marry a few months later. He sat in my house, used my resources and never once thought past himself (He was essentially homeless when he moved in with me. I wanted to help him but I notice that the chick he married was smart enough not to take him in at that point, and surely they had to be courting at the time). Smart lady. Maybe being with a dude when the chips are down is a bad idea. Best to wait until he builds himself up on the back of some other sucker and then swoop in for the less rocky times...
      I will give him this, he did tell me that he had "unfinished business" with another blogger and that if he ever got back to Atlanta they both had the inclination to explore some possible options. I don't know if it ever happened but I assume that while he was digging on the other chick, and me he was also keeping in touch with the third woman. Anyway, water under the bridge--thank goodness I managed not to drown. Hope everyone else is keeping their heads above water as well. Really. I don't want pain for anyone even he and she.
      Anyway I digress...
      I thought he was a lot of things but I had never pegged him for a liar.I believed him when he said that he loved me and he knew when he said it that he didnt, but he looked me dead in the face and lied to me.
      If you or someone you know is capable of this shit then I hope your chickens never come home to roost. I really hope you don't get this back because it is demoralizing and a real confidence killer and heartbreaker. It took me a full year for to get over it and then another year to acknowledge how much it hurt me and to even talk about it to my closest friends or even admit it here on this blog.

      so when my friend does this to others I respect him less, I like him less and I trust him less. I mean how do I know they havent been lying to me for years about our friendship out of convenience? I don't.
      Just be decent to people. Tell them the truth or at least don't lie, because even though I hope he never has to feel the way he has made others feel, I know that he will. Just the law of averages really and not to mention Karmic justice, the old "what goes around comes around" deal...
      Just be kind and decent and keep your damn word! Sheesh!
      Karmically Yours,
      Me!

      Monday, November 16, 2009

      Just a friendly PSA

      Ladies and Gents, if you are with someone you "took" from someone else, you really shouldn't be shocked if they find their next relationship the way they found you. More and more I am finding that people seem to think that someone who was dishonest when they met them will suddenly find a damn conscience just all of a sudden.
      Are you kidding me? WTF?!
      The Artist and I have been consoling a friend who was under the delusion that a fucking liar and cheat would actually curb these traits because they were with her now...

      ugh,
      more on this tomorrow...

      Karmically yours,
      Me

      Saturday, November 14, 2009

      Weekends are for Regrouping and Relaxation

      No posts this weekend, way too busy!
      Still love ya lots but these deadlines are serious business. I still love freelance, I just really need a crash course in time management. Wouldnt trade it for the world.
      Have a great weekend y'all!
      Karmically Yours
      Me!

      Friday, November 13, 2009

      Let's Get Physical, Physical

      okay, so I don't work out as much as I should, especially since I have a gym membership that is paid without fail each month through automatic withdrawal. I know, I know, I am no spring chicken and I really don't have the luxury of letting my health go until I get the time or inclination to take care of myself on a consistent basis.
      I am gonna go to a yoga class this weekend and also I will hit up the water aerobics class that I am already paying for through 24 hour fitness. You know I usually just get on the treadmill for the required 30 minutes, stretch for a measly 10 minutes and then beat feet out of the gym to eat a passable healthy meal.
      I owe myself much better than that and honestly I happen to like vegetarian, organic eating but the prep time is my failing....
      more on this later, I just got a spark of inspiration for a story I am working on. If only these sparks would translate to my health maintenance. Oh well, if at first you don't succeed....
      Take care of one another and always Keep Your Word. Your word is your bond. Be the example you were born to be and the one you purport to be.
      Karmically yours....
      Me

      Thursday, November 12, 2009

      Catechism for Dummies

      Okay so everyone pretty much knows I don't do organized religion, I don't celebrate Christmas, Easter or what have you. That said I am absolutely obsessed with the study of religion and its hold on the individual and the masses. so much so that I attended a Catholic University for my Masters Degree in English and now again for my Education Masters...
      I bought my mother "Inspired By...The Ultimate Bible Experience" a few years ago. You know that CD box set of black celebrities reading the New International Version of the bible? Yeah, that thing. It is complete and it cost me a few shillings. Yeah well she didnt really like it all that much and so never listened to it.
      I am doing research for a fiction novel I am writing and the text is greatly influenced by Christian Mythology and so to brush up or rather get deeper insight I borrowed the set from my mother starting with Genesis, I have been listening to the bible to and from work in my car.
      I gotta say that the bible works well as a collection of allegorical tales but as a true and original text on the history of God complete with needing to take a load off after working like mad to create the world in a long work week rather than millions of years of evolution.
      Anyway, its been fun so far...

      Gotta Go, have to get a short done...
      Karmically yours,
      Me

      Wednesday, November 11, 2009

      Veteran's Day

      Going to the parade and the ceremony in front of City Hall. Thanks to all the Vets in my family and the world over for their sacrifice.

      Karmically Yours
      Me

      Tuesday, November 10, 2009

      Parable of the Talents

      I cook every single day. every day. I love to cook and I love to try new ingredients and recipes and experiments. Last night I made a new roast duck recipe with celery, carrots, and various aromatics. pretty nice even though I forgot to take a pic of before chowing down. Cooking is one of my talents that gets stronger each time I take the muscle out for a test drive.

      I write every single day. every day. I love to write and think of new realities and possibilities and events. Last night my favorite heroine traveled to a far off place to find her destiny and save the destiny of others. I hate that I have already sold this story to Callalou, because I love it and I don't want to part with it now.

      There is a brilliant artist in the house who draws/sketches every single day. every day. The Artist creates on paper the reflection of the soul of people, places and ideas through the medium of graphite. Watching someone, especially someone important to you, create is a high. It is like...religion (only without the preacher/pimp ripping you off and book of allegories being misconstrued and taken literally for some absurd reason) I mean a real deep/complex and soulful experience.

      Rejoice in the Talents, yours and theirs...
      karmically yours,

      me

      Monday, November 9, 2009

      The Not-So-Young and the Vapid

      I have recently made the acquaintance of a woman who I think is going out of her way to annoy me. I am a bit bookish--okay, a lot bookish and she constantly uses the word "nerd" as if it is a bad thing. On some of her ruder (is that a word?) days she amps things up with "big nerd" just so we all know that she is the streetwise school yard "toughie" in a way.
      Today she asked me if I watch the "Real Housewives of Atlanta", I replied that I do not but I hear it was pretty entertaining, not my cup of tea but still I can see how they might be interesting to watch. She immediately launched into some convoluted diatribe about the show being like "real life".
      Okay...maybe so but uhm, why should I care?
      "Because everyone is watching it and talking about and all you can talk about it books but not everyone is reading books so you can't really talk to anyone"

      Wow, I think to myself. Is this really what is going on with the late 20s early 30s crowd these days?
      Man, I never felt so happy to be so out of touch. LOL
      Be true to yourselves, it ain't easy but the pay is great! The bank of self awareness and confidence will be overflowing...
      Karma's peeking in, hope you're decent
      toodles noodles

      Sunday, November 8, 2009

      CFLs

      Okay so I am in the middle of going green over here at Chez Femigog and just remembered that I wanted to get some of those highfalutin CFL bulbs for all of the lamps and such. It is my understanding that they cut down on electricity costs and are better for the world, so I am gonna go ahead and get some of those bad boys tomorrow after work and before class!
      So the transition back to semi-vegetarianism is going steadily along. Cutting out red meat hasnt been too big of a hassle but I will miss my oh so yummy meatballs made of lamb, sausage and ground sirloin. I will go back to doing red meat once per month and then only grain fed organic, period. Nothing too big going on today, kinda laying low and getting a million things done in anticipation for finding someone to accept my foxy, foxy book proposal...I can't believe how different my life is right now...it was so very difficult for me to get here but, here I am. Thank goodness.

      oh well, live long and prosper.
      Choose well, wisely and for right reasons, you owe it to yourself and others Karmically
      Toodles Poodles

      Saturday, November 7, 2009

      Its a Beauty of a Day

      So I got get out there and enjoy life!
      Nothing to report to day but bliss....
      sigh, just be happy, choose it!

      Karma is....
      toodles poodles

      Friday, November 6, 2009

      Time to change it up a Bit

      I blog on 2 sites, this one (which gets more lurks than responses which is cool) and another which has a more active audience. This is likely true because I read and respond to more of the blogs on that site than I do on Blogger. Anyway, my other blog is about health and fitness, traveling and of course cooking. I post every dish I make on that blog and talk about vegetarian living and exercise (I have had to make some changes in light of my fitness level and blogging keeps me timely in taking care of myself). Anyway I looked at my blog roll and realized that I hardly ever visit the people on the list and so I need to change the list and engage with the blogs I dig on a more regular basis.
      Here goes Nothing...
      later taters!

      Peace, Love, understanding and above all Responsibility...we all need to do a better job Karmically speaking...

      Thursday, November 5, 2009

      Sending Love and Understanding--Forgive the typos

      I had a huge post set for today but the tragedy at Fort Hood, has prompted me to change my plans and just post a simple message of peace and love.

      We have to take better care of one another, perhaps this is doubly or triply (may not be a word) for the men and women who protect our freedoms at the risk of their lives and mental health.

      My sincerest wishes for peace, love, understanding and forgiveness for all of us...and all of them (whomever your particular "them" may be).

      Karma says that the things we neglect manifest themselves at some point whether we like it or not. We have to address the things that cause of fear, grief, regret and despair in healthier ways or the results could be tragic.
      Yeah, Karma isn't just a diatribe about getting your due for past errors, it is about addressing mis-steps so that there are no gaping lapses in peace for you and yours---(it is amazing how many people who claim so much clarity missed this glaring detail).

      Love without Limits folks...

      Wednesday, November 4, 2009

      The Audacity of the Lazy! Forgive the typos--I'm typing this before class...

      Okay, This morning I listened to the Tom Joyner Morning Show as is my custom during my morning commute. The focus was on the local elections held around the nation on Tuesday (yes I voted and no I did not vote for Gene Locke).

      Well Cybil (not sure how her name is spelled and too lazy to go and look it up) and Tom were/are of the mind that the Republicans gained so much control because Obama didn't engage black/minority voters in an effort to stress the importance of this election to his administration. They (Tom and Cybil) complained that the President has not been back to their show since January of this year (since the inauguration).
      Alright, I'll admit I was completely against their remarks at first. I have had time to reflect and now I agree with them to a small degree. Certainly and engaged President is the friend and champion of his constituents but in his defense, he is probably a little busy since taking office and along with that the blame for the economic disaster left by the last administration. Besides, have we really already forgotten how important it is to vote since last November? Come On TJMS! We should be making his administration a success through active service on our part, the VERY VERY least of which is getting off our buts to cast a ballot for the people who will have power over our lives whether in particular or in a more abstract way. It is absurd to suggest that because someone doesn't hold our hands during every election that person or group is responsible for US not giving a damn about how our city and state is run!
      I'm sorry, but I find this completely and utterly ridiculous!
      We didn't take care of our responsibilities and now we are going to have to live with what we bought with that bad check. You get what you give, period. We gave little this time around, we shouldn't be all too surprised with what we get as a result.

      Yep, you just had my note on Karma for the day...
      I'll just let that do for now
      toodles poodles

      Tuesday, November 3, 2009

      Election!

      Well I cast my ballot for mayor. more tomorrow, way too busy with deadlines today...

      No Worries though, Karma will keep you company..
      toodles poodles!

      Monday, November 2, 2009

      Notes on the state of a Christian America, from a liberal, heathen's POV.

      That Shakespeare had it right. Those with rabid protestations show themselves in too much light. Feeling greatly affected by something is not a shameful thing, but to try and corrupt the message that plagues you so is cowardly and so then, are you.

      I had the misfortune or rather fortune of dealing with such a person recently. A mutual friend of ours made an observation about religion, belief and how dangerous group think can be if that thinking is fanatical and/or a hindrance to the rights and/or civil liberties of others. I know that sounds a bit technical but I just read a bunch of law books as part of my research on Germanic law codes (don't ask, it would likely bore you to pieces--it does most folks, save a handful of history nerds).
      Anywhoo, this one friend was angry because our mutual friend suggested that organized religion and its trappings should not be displayed/practiced in public areas, i.e. schools, government buildings and such. This is a topic of concern for us here in the lone star state because we recently had a case where a woman successfully lobbied for the removal of the bible from the city hall lobby here in Houston. Now our friend feels that the bible (Christianity) is/should be the religion of America. My problem with this idea is the colonizing aspect that is inherent in Christianity. I say be whatever religion you dig, just don't go off peddling it like so many girl scout cookies. And most certainly you can't or shouldn't go around trying to make everyone a carbon copy of you.
      Our xenophobia and religious snobbery is the reason our new Christian American President his attacked for being everything but exactly that, Christian and American. See he is not the right kind of Christian American, the kind that supposedly gave us our sprawling American civilization back in 1600s New England. Our Puritan forebears practiced the same kind of xenophobic, colonial zealotry that has a choke hold on us today. The idea that homogeneity is more important and substance, that mediocrity is safer and more palatable than forward change and progressive momentum is why I feel religion, Christian or otherwise, is completely out of place when setting down the laws of the land and the basic tenets of a livable, evolving and thriving society.

      And that is my soapbox tidbit for today.
      Oh and Anon, I think I know who you are and I apologize for my shortness, I though you were someone else.
      Forgive the typos and forgive yourself even if the one you have wronged will not. You make up for your mistakes by owning them and then correcting them without honestly and sincerely. Until then, you prove to all around you that your word is worthless and there for, their allegiance to you is faulty at best.
      Another little lesson I learned for myself in Karmic returns...
      toodles poodles

      Sunday, November 1, 2009

      Happy November!

      Here's to another month of love, truth and happiness. The best way to reach a place of true happiness is to spread what you want to the world around you.
      That being said, here's to getting back what you give, positivity and goodness.

      yeah, Karma...
      toodles poodles

      Saturday, October 31, 2009

      Happy All Hallows Eve!




      Have a safe and adorable night..,.,oops I got the pics in wrong order but you get the gist.

      Wednesday, October 28, 2009

      Another day, another chance to do the right thing...

      *sigh*
      yep, that's right, I had a chance the do the right thing and took it. I was available for some shoulder leaning and all involved were better for it. I always thought I would never lend money again (there was a slight fiasco some years back to the tune of more or less 4 grand---yeah, yeah I know and wouldnt you know that the borrower did what it was in their nature and character to do. Who am I to judge character flaws? No one, I have my own as a matter of fact (I've never done THAT to anyone but still I have been less than stellar and have apologized--publically (well in a blog) in some cases. Anyway I lent money again, this time though, I assessed my finances and asked myself if I could afford to live without the amount should I never have it returned to me. I could/can and so I made my decision based on this all important factor, coupled with the fact that this person was in dire straits and would do the same for me (hell or not---who the fuck knows. I've learned that you don't know anyone until you KNOW them. Seriously--here's to learning the good shit the hard way). Anyway, regardless of the past you do what you can to help people and let them do what it is in them to do regardless. So say we all...(a little Battlestar Galactica nerd moment. The Plan came out on DVD today and after class I will be driving to Borders to get it) Borders happens to have 50%off DVD boxed sets now through Sunday I think...

      That aside, on to more festive news, I have the honor of well, honoring social commitments, no, obligations in light of the upcoming All Hallows Eve. Don't get me wrong I love playing dress up and eating candy and rotting the teeth of teeny little witches with cute pointy hats and pale glitter lipgloss with bite sized chocolate bars. I just get antsy when I feel obligated to entertain people when all I want to do is sit on my floor going through my cds so that I can update my iTunes folder.
      I know, I know, being social is human and to be human is to be a part of humanity, all social and communal like. Plus, being with friends is good for the heart, the head and the soul. So instead of being a stick in the mud I will carve my pumpkin, roast the seeds and watch a Scream marathon with the people who have been on my team even when I have displayed less than sportsman like behavior.
      Besides, whether we want to be true or not, we get what we give, in the end and always. So my gift to myself and my friends will be positivity and light, not because Karma looms (and she does, sorry--but contrary to popular B.S., you actually do get what you give. What have you given?)but because that's by bag naturally. I like to keep my word, I like to be honest, and I like not having to keep a bunch of lies straight--especially the ones we like to tell to ourselves.

      Anyway, class is starting and I am all giddy with the prospect of learning (that's kinda my bag now too as it turns out).
      Love and Light
      Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon... Don't believe the hype, you damn sure get all the grief you cause and then some...here's to keeping the cup half full of sugar rather that salt... and paying those debts.
      toodles noodles!

      Forgive the typos!!!!!!

      Sunday, October 18, 2009

      Integrity?

      "Integrity is proven when you admit what you cannot do and honor what you say you will do".

      It's not an original quote but then I can't really credit anyone person in particular for it either. I'm sure a long time ago in a dusty old library or some other such academic building someone old and dusty and academic said it or something similar. I agree with the quote completely--along with a number of expansions of course. I think integrity encompasses far more than just admitting where you fall short and following through on your word. But that doesn't mean I cant say a few words about the topic.

      It seems lately that integrity is a lost virtue (if it can be called that and I think it can). There are people who constantly go off on tangents about integrity and how the next man doesn't have any, only to be the biggest offender of this lapse in character (unfortunately, I know or have known some of these people and in some cases am worse for wear because of their weak character). I'm wondering about integrity and how it plays into daily life on the tiniest scale. You know, the humdrum, mundane, trip to the grocery store level? Yeah, that level.
      How necessary or even possible is it to always be a person of integrity? Say a sales clerk gives you 20 bucks too much in change, giving it back is a mark of honesty which I think is a mark of integrity. I know people, genuinely good people who believe that keeping the money says nothing about who they are as a person, after all, she made a mistake, it just happens to be in their favor and against her own. Some even go so far as to consider it a karmic return on good behavior for their own past generosity...hogwash I say!
      Well I don't typically say hogwash but, you get my meaning.
      What I do say is that the matter of giving back too much change is directly linked to integrity and thus, our character.

      Now on a grander scale I think our integrity needs a little exercise as it seems to be a weak muscle as of late. I had HUGE problems with my own integrity some years ago but now, I don't play that very dangerous and detrimental game with myself and the people I love.
      I keep my word, I protect theirs. It is not at all easy, and sometimes I contemplate taking a step backward and then I remember all the backward living that got me in the past and I snap to and get on with doing it right.
      I think if more of us got on with doing it right the state of our nation would be better because in truth we would be better....and that is my 2 cents, I will relinquish my soapbox now...
      Love and Light folks!
      I'm heading to the Italian Festival over at my university, gonna be a blast with this lovely cool weather.
      The Texas Renaissance Festival is in town for the next 2 months...it's gonna be a blast!
      Karma, always check on your Karma, she is checking up on you....believe me.

      Monday, October 12, 2009

      Back in the Saddle for the nth time

      So I am finally back in the groove of writing and cooking. Today, lamb-veal-sirloin meatballs with a salad of herbs and field greens and my homemade raspberry vinaigrette. Writer's digest has a couple of writing contests I am entering in November and December.
      I just saw Julie and Julia and it was wonderful! I love Julia Child and I love cooking and writing so this movie had everything in for me. It just might replace Under The Tuscan Sun as my rainy day pick me up movie.
      What would happen if we all did some small thing towards our passion. Just everyday, you incorporate that tiny little action into your mundane routine and little by little you change the direction of your life for the better.

      Anyway, writing is going well, again finally! I am working on a short short that has to do with a God building his/her own mythology from the ground up. How would it be to have the capacity to create how your mythology is formed and applied from the very beginning without the notions of religion as they exist today?
      I know, mind-blowing! Well time to get back at it....
      Stay true, pay your debts and respect Karma, because whether you like it or not she will have her due.
      Love and Light friends!

      Thursday, September 24, 2009

      A new Gig!

      Well, it finally happened. I am officially out of retail. I received my commitment letter today from the Department of Veteran's Affairs and I officially begin my training in the Veterans Benefits Administration on Monday. I am pretty excited and am glad to finally put some very pricey degrees to work. Oh yeah I got a new iPhone and let me say, "believe the hype" this phone does everything. I dvr'd Supernatural, Dancing with the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance and Fringe from this thing last night!

      I deserve the good things I am recieving, I deserve good things in life and I am grateful.
      Say whassup to Karma, she aint finished with you yet.

      Love and Light.

      Wednesday, September 16, 2009

      So This Is what a writing life is like

      Finally, I am an enterprise.
      Yep that is indeed my name on the check.
      And away I go....

      How fabulous is that?
      Pretty damned, I'd say.

      Pay your debts, keep your word and shake hands with Karma.

      Sunday, September 13, 2009

      Well,

      I've been busy, but that is no excuse.
      I have been tired, but that is no excuse.
      I have been lazy, and that of course is no excuse.
      I have not been.....for a long time, before now that is.

      Now I am busy
      I am tired
      I am no longer lazy.
      But I most definitely AM and from now on will always BE.

      Pay your debts, keep your word and know that Karma will have her due.

      Thursday, September 3, 2009

      RIP Nikki Indigo--You leave a trail of love and tears in your passing

      I have not blogged in a while. Soul searching mostly. But I had to say something about the passing of Nikki (authoress of the blog "Indigo Trail of My Thoughts")-Anika Harris. She was a brilliant beautiful light. She was a talent! Amazing with words and thoughts and feelings. Her easy way of talking about the awkward, painful or lovely parts of life inspired all who visited her blog. People would constantly ask her for more. She was/is an inspiration.

      Thanks Nikki for listening/reading my side of more than a few painful and embarrassing stories and for sharing your pen and heart with us for as long as you did.
      You will be missed.
      T.S. Snowden--the writer, the chef, the woman, the friend....

      Thursday, July 9, 2009

      About that Pound of Flesh

      I was sitting and thinking about a character who lives by the book and by the numbers. she keeps her head down and follows the rules, always.
      Now this is the perfect way to perform for the law of the land but what about the human factor?
      How do you get what you need for you when the law or the powers that be demand their due?
      You do what we all do from time to time---you rob Peter not to pay Paul but to get a little something for yourself under the table.
      You know you think that you can just work the numbers a little to the left to get over just a bit and then, after a while the Debt collector comes calling and they will get their pound of flesh.

      Now in a science fiction/fantasy setting this situation can lend itself to numerous outcomes ranging from the mundane to the truly fantastical. Of course in real life the very same thing can be the case. You think that you have made out like a bandit only to find out that a much better thief has his hand in your coffers. Every action has a reaction (cliche yes but no less true).

      My character will take what is not hers and she will balance the scales in the end either voluntary or otherwise.
      What do you owe?
      Maybe the better question is ---
      Can you afford to lose that pound of flesh.

      Karma--charges interest.

      Tuesday, July 7, 2009

      A tiny update before I plug back into the grid...

      Well again it has been forever since I spent any time on here whatsoever, but that is only because life got so eventful and things kept happening for the better and I kept feeling better and life kept getting better. I finished my Master's degree in English and believe it or not I have actually decided on a workable career while I become the next big thing in Sci-Fi/Fantasy Literature. I have been published twice in a literary magazine "Laurels", it's very small and no monetary gains came with the publication but exposure is worth much more for upstarts like myself. I sent short stories to 3 publications in the last 7 days and hope to get a nibble while I work on the next 3 queries.

      Oh about that workable career, I will teach high school Literature and Language Arts after I take the content portion of the teacher certification exam at the end of August. Now I am currently seeking a job at a private school since no certification is required and they tend to love to hire people with Master's Degrees. Since I have a well working motor vehicle I can travel with little issue which makes me ecstatic in this wretched Texas heat.

      About that teaching stint, wouldn't you know that the certification program I chose leaves the successful participant with a Master's degree in Education. How about that, I will have FOUR degrees, 2 undergrad and 2 grad and don't forget the PhD that will follow in a few years. What can I say, I love school and I love learning, hell I've learned so much in the last five years that I am hardly recognizable to some people anymore and let me tell you, it ain't a bad look friends.

      About my newest character and in the time I have been away there are quite a few new characters--
      she has found a secret through her job as a number cruncher in a local financial concern, she moves away from the chaos of said job to a quiet slow-paced hometown (I know, a little contrived at first but things open up quite nicely).
      she is in her mid-to late thirties, is a sister, is middle management, and is over educated (ooohhh the similarities are eerie right???)

      Anyway she is a delight and a disaster much like the Frost Poem actually---again another little parallel---LOL.

      Okay kids, that's all for now,
      Don't forget that Karma always collects what's due---no way to welsh on that bet friends.

      Wednesday, May 6, 2009

      Seems Like a Mighty Long Time

      But that's just because it has been a long time. School is almost over and I am a week away from being a Graduate student no longer. Now is the time to concentrate on using my fancy new, pricey degree and adjusting to a post school life.
      It has been a rough three years earning this degree but the pay off is worth it. I will be much more visible in the blog world and the real world very shortly and I am excited.

      laters

      Thursday, February 5, 2009

      Where is all the Change? It's Been 2 Weeks! Wasnt Bush Still on Vacation at this point in his first term?

      Its been 2 weeks already!!!!!
      I'm starting to wonder if we are in any way a United States....
      If we don't get our heads out of our asses and ACT like we have a number of dire problems to solve we are more than sunk.

      Do you really think that 2 weeks is enough time to cure a nation's illnesses?
      Do you really think that all the issues facing our Country only happened in the last 2 weeks?
      Do you think that execs should be getting millions in bonus dollars from the taxpayer cache?
      Do you think it is fine that 1200 people camped out for 35 job openings in the fucking cold while some were standing around in their pricey suits telling me that damn tax breaks will do those people a favor come the first of the month????
      Do you think that we can continue to give a damn about about bashing an individual (under the guise of Christianity) while whole families are wrecked because of economics and politics and sour fucking grapes?

      STOP calling yourself a fucking Christian. Every time I see You (this is general) calling yourself that I wonder about all that love and kindness tempered with faith in your divine One is hiding, or rather rotting---if it ever even existed....
      I am so angry that I can't be quiet anymore. Duck and cover...