Monday, December 31, 2007

The Jesuit--An Abstract-Shameless Self Promotion

Hey y'all. Here is an abstract creation just now so this is but a tiny sliver of who he is. He has the attention of the The Pixie Sovereign, although I have toyed with the idea of having The Reaper Sovereign of the Harvest (formerly known as Gretchen Thomas) be his stalker. I thought maybe she would try to take his soul or some such nonsense but I don't know yet. And another shameless plug--
Click on the link to THE ULTRAVIOLET UNDERGROUND in my blog roll to download the Winter Issue of PURPLE Magazine.
There is a Short story written by yours truly within its Lovely Pages!--I sometimes write under the name

The Short story is called Persephone3 so check me out yall and give my girl and her righteous magazine a shout out! I love YOU PurpleZoe! And here is the excerpt

The Jesuit retreated into his small room in the rectory and wondered about the thing he encountered in His Father's house. The woman whose entire body seemed to be pushing toward him had studied him intently for more than a month, a full three phases of the moon. She was an African, an original at that. Pure from the line of Lucy or perhaps before. The important thing was that she had moved from the fringes of home and right into middle of life. She was comfortable in the old church but she was uncomfortable around the children of the flock. Their silence shook her. They knew her heart and had shared with him the secret of her Babylonian origins. He walked the length of his cell-like room and reached out to turn on the radio. He listened intently to the report through song for a clue as to why the council of Heathens were tracking him and why the beautiful demon Goddess was so much more interested in him than was appropriate for a man of God. He stalked back to his room to gather any information he could as to her purpose for him or herself. He unlocked the room by transmogrifying the golden chain of the incense burner into a solid skeleton key. The door opened with a lazy squeak.
"Harlot," he whispered to an empty room. "What could she be thinking," he thought further. He removed his cloak and paced to build up body heat. As his core temperature rose he began to hear the static that brought with it reports from off world. The music cloaked the room and the candle burned brighter as the report came in through the lyrics.
Okay, I am having the hardest time trying to decide on what the Jesuit is listening to right here. I know some indie musicians who have the perfect messages. That's the problem, they are plural! Ugh this is tough. So I am just gonna have to leave out the broadcast that The Jesuit hears for now and drop it in later.
The Jesuit listened half-heartedly to the reports of rogue holy-men as the coded messages spilled from the small and unassuming Bose speaker system. He stripped off his linen undershirt to reveal a body covered in all manner of religious symbols, some ancient some less forgotten. The most significant piece of art graced his broad, muscular chest. He stood still for a moment as warmth emanated from the trinity of a crucifix, an ankh and an ouroboros covering him from neck to waist. It glowed brilliantly in the candle lit room and the sensation of its vibrations pushed him to his knees and forced a rushed prayer from his lips.
Okay that is all. I'm sorry I just don't know a lot about The Jesuit yet. I know that he has lived for some centuries and that in one lifetime he was a North African General in the time of Constantine. You know me and my love of history and mythology.
Anyway, y'all have a great and safe New Year's Eve and a fancy and delightful New Year's day! As a matter of fact have a wonderful year full of love, light, peace and happiness!
Be safe and be true and know that Karma has the patience of Job and now, so do I.
I love you all sincerely!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Shameless Self Promotion and some Personal Stuff

Click on the link to THE ULTRAVIOLET UNDERGROUND in my blog roll to download the Winter Issue of PURPLE Magazine.
There is a Short story written by yours truly within its Lovely Pages!--I sometimes write under the name

The Short story is called Persephone3 so check me out yall and give my girl and her righteous magazine a shout out! I love YOU PurpleZoe!
Now on to new business. I dont discuss a lot of personal stuff, well, I do but usually it is about stuff that makes me mad and even then it is written as a violent fight scene. Anyway a fellow asked me a bunch of questions about myself.... or was it just one question? I can't tell but I can say that however it happened I talked quite a bit about myself which is highly uncharacteristic of me with people I work with. I have made a friend of one other person in much the same capacity at work and funny enough he is the closest friend of this other fellow (clear as mud, right?).

Anyway, I thought about my cynicism during the conversation and realized that I had made some sort of transformation over the last year. My cynicism has abandoned me it seems. I used to have serious beef with love. I mean serious beef, especially during a hard six months of this year.
But now I notice that I really dig love and not only that, it seems that I love love. I actually love attending weddings (although I will likely never have one. Mostly because I could absolutely stay with someone forever without an actual wedding. I'll get into this one day but not today. That center of attention thing does a number on me also. I didnt even tell anyone when my graduation day was for my second degree because of all the fuss they made over me about the first one.)

Anyway...I like love. I feel good about it and when it hits again I rather think I shall be excited and happy. Not like my usual self where I realize it and then work to shut the feeling down before the object of affection notices me stalking them.
About this love thing.
The idea of age came up in conversations with both fellows.
You know for all of my empowered woman talk I still hold a few antiquated notions about gender relations and propriety. Hey, I am enlightened enough to admit that I too get stuck in old ways of thinking. So after my meditations today I thought I might examine my outdated views on dating in these oh so progressive times. I made a REVISED list of what I like in a fella. This list is as follows
  1. Funny(not just funny to himself! Funny to me)
  2. Intelligent--like nerd intelligent not that psuedo-shit that fake revolutionaries tout as intelligence.
  3. Attentive--many people wouldn't know it but I am extremely sensitive (even though I dont cry much). I like singular attention and can be pretty possessive. Not like "who is that bitch you're talking to" possessive but in my mind I have a certain idea of ownership when it comes to the people who are close to me.
  4. generous. Not like monetarily, I mean with time (no I dont need tons of time because I tend to disappear into myself for long periods). But I do need to be looked after more than I care to have known. My periods of hibernation should monitored so that I am prompted to resurface now and again.
  5. creative--I notice creative types deal best with other truly creative types. Period. There is a whole mindset that goes with this. I need to know that my off the wall ideas about alternate realities will not be dismissed as child's play. I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit (to quote Badu).
  6. supportive--this includes himself. If He cant sustain himself mentally and physically then we wont do well together(this was a good lesson to learn this year). No halves need apply! I am already whole and I want a whole man from the jump. I always wince when people say "My other half". I think that is absurd. So without the other person you are less than a full person? Well I dont know about you but the Great Deity made me complete from the start. The loss of a loved one should never cripple us but make know the value of that love by keeping their memory wholly close to us. The loss should not make us some wounded and incomplete being. Of course if the Deity you worship deals in half measures then more power to you... Now right about here is where I would usually add some nonsense about them being no more than a year younger and up to 12 years older until I realized that my energy level doesn't typically match this age group. I love to move around. I go to concerts, hike and travel as much as possible and to be honest I have yet to find a man my age who can keep up. Sad but true. So enough of that junk.
  7. Energetic and appropriate for me regardless of age.
No more lazy-ass men! I mean dudes whose bodies and minds limit them and stifle me. UGH! I just cant do it again and so I wont. Man I learned a ton this year. I made the choice to subject myself to the sort of people I thought I should be with rather than the kind of people who really add to my oh-so-lively and lovely existence. People have every right to be how they want. The choice is ours to let them into our space or not. This last year was about me not choosing ME over something that was counter to who I am. My flaw! not anyone else's. I have to own that, and I have.

Own your shit friends because the life you AINT living is damn sure your OWN.
That is all for now my lovelies.
I promise, science fiction comes next time! Promise!
Be Safe and be true. Remember that Karma plays debt collector so WE dont have to....
I love you all!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Saturnalia

It seems that the Pagan in me cannot help but to say a few words about Christmas. I am not sure how this entry will be received but then hey I didn't make the shit up so take it up with ancient Rome if you take issue. This is also a rebuttal of sorts to some folks who got all Preachy on me about me not celebrating Christmas,
apparently they will see me in HELL(I guess from Heaven?).

Jokes on them cuz I already work retail!
This will be a very very brief history of the Holiday formerly known as Saturnalia.....

The Roman festival of Saturnalia was dedicated to Saturn and was generally held around December 17th but was later expanded to an entire week which would include Winter Solstice. This was a time of libation and general merriment. Slaves were spared from their toils and allowed to wear the badge of "freedom", men exchanged gifts with men, engaged in man on man love. Certainly these were not the only elements of the festivities but it was ancient Rome and I think we all have a general idea about the worth of women and the enslaved in ancient and not so ancient societies.

In an effort to "Christianize" the population, December 25th was adopted as Christ's birthday because Pagans already celebrated this day as the Winter Solstice. I mean you do the math, wouldn't it be easier to just take the day when people were already partying and rename it rather than coming up with another day and trying to start a new tradition? What better way to convert than to usurp?

To pay homage to the God of Farming (Saturn), Romans would sometimes cut down an Evergreen tree and decorate it in order to honor the fact that evergreens remained green even during bitter winters.

I was brought up southern Baptist (and I know study at a Catholic University) and so much of what I learned about Christmas came from the bible. Most importantly how the shepherds watched over there flocks by night (Luke). Palestinian winters are reputed to be quite bitter and so this flock-watching outside was probably a practice of springtime. Which is cool by me and I am sure by countless others. The thing is that I was not informed of the weather conditions in the region mentioned in the bible at the time of "lambing" so I was under the impression for the longest time that all of the Christmas business of the time occurred in what I knew to be winter. My perception was incorrect to say the least. December in Jerusalem is not ideal for shepherding and flocks would likely be brought indoors no later than October. *Sigh*

Oh well as I mentioned earlier, I work retail (until I grow up that is Smiley), and I see people, many of them "Christians", at their worst during this time of year. I watch people sink into debt and scowl as they buy gifts for people they feel less than "jolly" about so that they may "appear" giving. They drag their children around at all hours of the night going from store to store buying Yuletide Gaiety at rock bottom prices thanks to an eviscerated third world proletariat, which is by the way largely comprised of women and children.

To be sure I am not out to convert Christians to Paganism. As a matter of fact I rather like many elements of the faith. Plus It does not enhance my life in any way to make everyone walk on eggshells waiting for the religious debate to jump-off when there is pie to eat and sage to burn...oops I mean eggnog to drink. This entry was for a select few who got in my face about how I live and celebrate and for me as a tiny little rant. It was also for anyone else who wants to read it.

At any rate I hope that everyone enjoys good food, good times and good company all year long!
I know that I already do, especially lately.
I dont have to tell you that you dont need shiny things to validate you.
I dont need to tell you that the people you love will love you more if you give them a little recognition here and there throughout the year.
Dont wait for a Holiday to let you generosity take the front seat.
Please dont wait for a Holiday to tell the people you love that you love them.
Help others all year.
Give. That is your duty as fellow human, to share yourself in a goodly manner all the days you bless us with your lovely presence.
I love you all. All year, I love you all.
Be safe and be true and know that even if you dont remember those deeds, Karma has a proper tally and updates often. Here is a Winter poem by Emily Bronte that I just love and want to share with you my lovely friends!


The night is darkening round me,
The wild winds coldly blow;
But a tyrant spell has bound me
And I cannot, cannot go.

The giant trees are bending
Their bare boughs weighed with snow.
And the storm is fast descending,
And yet I cannot go.

Clouds beyond clouds above me,
Wastes beyond wastes below;
But nothing drear can move me;
I will not, cannot go.--Emily Bronte

Friday, December 21, 2007

RICK THE RULER! Pics and Video from the Slick Rick Affair

Hey ya'll! It took me a minute get the pics and video cleaned up enough to post but here it is without further ado!
This concert was amazing! I had the best time with my friends and a whole gang of old schooler's! He performed all of his greatest tunes including "The Show" which he performed without Dougie Fresh! The host of the event, one D.R.E.S the Beatnik was excellent as a human beat box and hype man! Then there was DJ Chaos who spun primo sounds and kept us all in the mood to do the Wop! LOL! Check it all out!

Check out DJ Chaos

The dude holding the camera on stage is D.R.E.S. The Beatnik. Here is a video of part of his performance! Check out the dance he does toward the middle! This guy was fantastic!

Now for some reason my slide show would not behave so I decided to do one of those remix deals on photobucket. You'll know me because I have a big, BEAUTIFUL, happy gap-toothed grin and the tiny beginning dreds on my charming noggin! You will also note that I am about 33 pounds lighter even though you cant tell by the shirt I am wearing.
The couple in the remix consist of Minus of Double F and the talented artist extraordinaire Jamila John! Torridgirl is the brunette and Myclette is the lovely lady with the flower in her hair! Then you will see the one and only Slick Rick the Ruler!

So that is all my friends! The night was stellar and the next day was even more fun as me and my girls went for vegetarian and saw the mindless violence of the movie Hitman! Then we spent the evening talking about where we are and were we want to go on this great journey. Later that night I entertained some birthday phone calls. It is nice to be noticed.
Be Safe and Be true.
Spread Love and Light and Art.
When you think you have it all figured out know that Karma is the only one who knows for sure.
I love you all!
Namaste and Hotep my lovelies!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

First Things First!

Hey Y'all! My birthday week is moving along splendidly! I had the BEST time at the Slick Rick Concert last night! It was
I am going to finish editing the photos and post them here as soon as possible! I promise. But first I have to share some pics from the Special Ed affair that I attended last month at the Engine Room. Now I didnt get any good photos of Special Ed but no worries he was slammin'! What I did get is primo photos of fellows I like to call the GENTS of Southern Socially Conscious Hip Hop! These brothers have a killer album and a presence to make you stand up or rather listen up and take notice! They are Flow Factory (Double F) and here are some photos of their performance.

Be sure to check them out at MySpace! Just click HERE for cool ass uplifting lyricism!
Okay my video of them is NOT decent enough to post but no worries because I got a NEW hand-held Hybrid hard disk camcorder for my 36th birthday. Since I don't do Christmas my Mother tends to really wear out my Birthday (she also got me new jammies---she knows I love lounge in preshrunk, earth sustainable cultivated cotton)! Goddess love her, cuz I know I do! She accepts all my quirks and incorporates them into the lives of our family s if they are automatic. I dont have to FAKE Thanksgiving and Christmas to please them because they know and accept me.
We know that RESPECT of each other's beliefs above all else is what matters.
Back to the camera. It has an SD card slot AND 37 hours of recording hard disk space!
So the next event will be recorded in Stellar fashion by yours truly!

How do even begin to tell you all how good I feel?
I mean, not the bullshit "I feel fine" sorta thing that we sometimes do to talk ourselves into the feeling but I mean some real genuine Good Feelings!
This is the feeling you get when you truly bleed out the poison and replace it in righteous fashion with purity and love.
Meditate, Eat Right and ATONE for your actions.
Then you begin your approach to a Righteous state of being.
Once you dump the Garbage avow never, ever to compromise your integrity or taint your righteous words in order to puff your chest and diminish others.
Never tell yourself another lie in order to stay stagnant or hurt another citizen of the world. Keep your word. It is the most important piece of intangible credit that you have.
A corrupt word hides a corrupt soul.
Zen exists in us all.
I love you my friends.
Peace Love and Light---Namaste and Hotep my lovelies.
Love yourselves hard and true and know that in those moments of doubt Karma is the one surety so choose wisely (damn! That was a Femigog Original I think---I'm copy-written so don't just grab and run without proper credit---and keep this policy for EVERYTHING you borrow)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A Short Pre-Birthday Post

Hey y'all! I wont be posting that excerpt today because I have to be at work in an hour at 6am and because the Slick Rick concert is tonight! I am taking a page out KiKi's handbook and celebrating my 36th birthday for the entire week(it is really Thursday)!
I know, I know, I have SOME nerve!

I woke up a little early to get a good meditation in before battling the crowds in retail management universe and I feel superb. I had my grapefruit juice and sent some positive thoughts into the world and towards those who have hurt me in the past. Let's get Golden and shine like the precious Gems we are!

small note>>>>>
I decided on another group weave into my writing since I think someone put some pollution in the ear of the first group I was thinking of. No worries. Group B is just as good I thought it would be kinda weave Southern Mythology writing with Mid-Western sounds. Southern sounds rock as well and so there you have it. They still kick ass in the sound department.
Oh and there will be picks from this event tonight!!!!! (not to mention all the other events I have been too lately)

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

And I am out for the day but you know that I love you all sincerely and thanks so much for your kind words and you willingness to come here and share my tiny little piece of healing.
Dont forget that Karma comes calling even when we are OUT! Be safe and be true, that fake shit aint real to nobody but you. Kisses and Hugs my lovelies.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Okay! Sorry for the weeklong break! Catch Up and Some Personal Stuff

But school was out and I just had to get some stuff done!
1. I needed to nail down my hiking trip to Arizona and the Grand Canyon for one. In case anyone wants to meet me there I will be there the weekend of January 18th! Got my ticket last night on I was going to use my frequent flier miles but I decided to save them for something this summer.
2. Today I am going to go ahead and register for the Brown Bloggers Conference in Atlanta. I figure I would check it out and maybe meet some of the cool ass bloggers I read so often. Y'all better be regular and down to earth or you'll break my beautiful Pagan Heart!
3. I had to clean up! I had papers all over the place from my constant writing endeavors over the semester.
4. I had to finish a short story that a wonderful e-zine will actually publish hopefully! Thanks PurpleZoe, You know how I love that Underground Movement of yours! You're a beautiful and informed GEM! Keep Shining sister!
5. Meditate, Meditate Meditate! There was so much junk left over from earlier in the year that all my progress was struggling to take a front seat in my life. Thanks to the Great Deity above I found my center (
there is a really tacky joke in there but I am gonna leave it alone). You have to give yourself time to heal before you can even process and enjoy the things that will make your life yours. So DETOX all the junk and only fill your system and space with positive foods and situations. I keep forgetting to post my meditation procedure for anyone interested. I promise I will in my next post. It is really easy but very effective.
I was really hurt earlier this year. I mean I was ripped, gnashed and bleeding love onto the pavement y'all. I hadn't kept my word to myself and Karma showed me my lies in the form of someone equally flawed (I would like to say they are more flawed than I but those judgments are not mine to make).
I had to deal with the fact that I had trusted the wrong person.
WAIT! Let me finish.
I trusted someone even though there was the tiniest part of me that told me no.
Okay, for a minute I was so down over how this person treated me that all I could do was write venom. You remember my rants, right? Well I had to bleed out completely and I did. I was reading their blog and her blog and just ruining my own Light with effects of his darkness.
But then I started digging into to my own thought processes and dealing with my own issues and realized that I had betrayed myself by not listening to myself. In short I had not kept my word to myself. That was my aha moment as Oprah would say. I never went back to either of their blogs. EVER. I couldnt tell anything that he is doing or that they are doing because none of ME is about THEM. That simple. I really want them to be happy together. I dont know if they will but I do know that Karmic-ally there are some debts due. Anyway that is theirs to wade through "together" hopefully. Back to the Femigog! LOL
You see I had a plan for my life and honestly I had just let my plans fall to wayside while I worked myself silly for any goal that wasn't mine. In short I made choices that took me away from the life I had/have planned.
1. I want to write for a living. I stopped writing for a time (not because of the person only of course, I had just put a lot of other things before this goal). Now I seem to be well on my way to writing for a living. I cant even begin to put into words how I feel about this (aint that a caution? a writer at a loss for words).
2. I wanted to get healthy and go Vegetarian again. I didn't while I was putting others first. (I am only NOW in the final transition phase to an ORGANIC vegetarian lifestyle.) I gotta tell ya that I never felt better.
3. I wanted to travel more. I have a few trips planned and am paying on a trip to Africa right now. We are still trying to find a good Italy trip for August. We have to get this done this month though! LOL! We cant see to come to a consensus but we will and you will here it right HERE first my friends!
4. I want to recoup the money that I spent helping someone who presented themselves as a friend and then betrayed their own word. I have been catching a few overtime hours and trying to sell some writing services (tutoring, writing clinics, ect.) I get the feeling this brother wont be staying true to his word or even apologizing to the universe for his behavior. I hope he at least apologizes so that Karma will know his intentions. Peace Brother. The Universe still loves you.
5. I want to feel and give love to the people I meet and the people I know. That simple. I want to radiate the beauty of community, caring and HONESTY to everyone I am in the company of. I want that for all of you as well. Everyone should feel love from within and infect everyone and thing they encounter with that love.
Alright folks! I am back for real and the next post will be about the Pixie's new love interest, The Jesuit. I already love where it is going! Oh and there is this hip-hop group that is just fantastic and I want to use their lyrics for the Jesuits pursuits. I am gonna finish the write up and let them read it and ask their permission.
Although I think someone may have hated on me and convinced them to negate my interest in their sound. Hey man! Shame on you if you did what I get the feeling you have done(God(dess) Bless you Brother).
I have a plan B (another really good group actually).
Be safe Be true and know that one good turn deserves another. Always be as good as your Word. In the end that will determine what the universe hears and returns to you. Hell Karma has fucking sonar so be careful about what you put out there!
Dude, just think about paying me back every time you put on something I bought for you. At the very least, keep your word. I have kept mine to you. I hope you find all happiness in your endeavors and I hope that you give that happiness to the people around you unconditionally. On a side note I hope you at least attempt to pay me back. I could use that money for my trip to Africa actually.
I LOVE you all! I really do and I appreciate all the healing I have done in public and with total truth on this spot!
next time we get our science fiction/ fantasy on!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

School is OUT and I am IN my friends!!!

I dont wanna go into how SLAMMIN' ya girl was at her Literary conference but suffice it to say that I did the damn thing! My fifteen minute discussion on the women as vessels rather than people with choices in Victorian Literature was on and poppin'! But enough about that you want to dig in to a little fantasy now that classes are over I can oblige more readily! The Pixie is obsessed with someone y'all! Let me know what you think


Stalking your shadow.
Dogging your footsteps.
How long will it take
for you to slow your pace just enough for capture?

Grains of broken glass in every sip
i take across from no one, and not you.
Each kiss against lips not yours
strips skin from flesh until
a blazing heart is exposed through a barbed wire reality.

When you rise so too does the day.
And when you rest the night is upon all.
How many rotations before, dizzy and stricken,
the pull of you is too great
and there is a great and mythic tragedy to recount?
(The Pixie Sovereign)

She watched him through the stained glass. Her vision fixed on the form beneath his vestments. the smell of myrrh escaped through the cracks in the old building and intoxicated her.
What would he think if he knew that she watched him.
silently and impatiently wanting him.
Who was he?
Why was the Sovereign council protecting him from the elements of Babylon?
What was her home world to him and what was he to it?

She had gotten close to him once. Close enough to feel the fabric of his robe against her bare right arm, her strong arm. It was the day she gripped a bible in her fist rather than her flail. That one time she held on to the words a man spoke as if they would leak to her some secret truth about the life she lived. He knew there was something in his Father's house when he passed her in the pew, placing a wafer on her tongue and drawing back his hand. Noticing later that the smallest prick from her teeth had drawn blood. He knew that there was something in his Father's house when the temperature dropped and children became still and listening--absorbing.
The children always know. He watched the children all the while praying in Latin. The sound assaulted her ears and she felt herself slipping into selfishness. She would take him now, without his consent and without the approval of the council. The Jesuit belonged to her and she would not wait.

He prayed in constant and hushed tone. He was praying for her. She was enraged and filled with lust for him. This was an outrage. An assault. His affects were an attack. Her whip materialized in her strong hand. She would bind him. His footfalls carried through the church like the pulse of a giant.
He was prepared for her. He knew. He held the golden chain of the burner as it transformed before her eyes.
When he passed her she heard the words he said over her in a rush of Latin.

"Deo duce, ferro comitante." (With God as my leader and my sword as my companion)

All was still in the church, frozen. They watched one another and knew that this was not the time. She sprang to her feet and spoke to him in a tone so low that it rode upon the icy air...

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam"(I will find a way or make one--Hannibal).
That's all for now friends! I dont where this is going yet but I think a holy man would really spice up the mix especially for our Hedonist Pixie!
Be good and be true and know that when you feel like you're all alone Karma is sitting right beside you!
Oh and as for YOU, I can't believe you actually hated on me like that man! Hey, it's your Karma brother, so go ahead and DO YOU in the words of Russell Simmons.
I love you anyway
I love you all!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Part the Second--Purging The Demons or Becoming One?

Classes have ended for the semester and I am elated. A new Sovereign segment is in the offing soon friends never fear.
My night was stellar and I am elated. I meditated more readily and easily this morning which is a good thing. upon completion I came here to my journal to let loose the thoughts that came to the surface and released them from my being. This is stream of consciousness and so the disjointedness cannot be helped. I will post my method for meditation if anyone is interested. The process is uncomfortable at first but you will come to welcome it in time. Here it is, unedited and unapologetic----
The lover knows what I am withholding. Good. I like his attention to detail, the digging into me he does. I am anthropology and archeology to him. A study. Good.
My meditations are now necessary when they used to be ornamental or a luxury at best.
The solstice is right around the corner and I have a bad habit to sacrifice on sister moon's altar.
My birthday is right around the corner and I am indifferent. The lover is young and excited. Strong. Tactile and angry. The Prototype. An Alpha. Yeah. He is a DARE.
My passport photo is updated but the injections that are to come in 8 months will take some getting used to. I hate shots. I distrust medications. Animal testing is criminal.
What delusions are am I living in? That I ever loved certain people. I will never SAY aloud that I did not. This is a flaw. It will surface and become....
What are yours?
What are ours?
Who could I hurt to make my point? No one, never just to make a point. Always to protect myself first and them second? Good.
What will I do in the face of self preservation? Anything. I could kill.
I love two men who both love me. I feel for them and rejoice for myself. I could live without either. Is this good? Is it right? It is me.
I will now and always have what I want FIRST.
I am now very dangerous to.....

Damn it! I have a new interest. Patience. Be careful boy. Praying Mantis? HA! At the very least....
I am better at this than most...
I am very dangerous to...
I have forgiven but I will collect...through Karma.
You are in danger, and for that I am sorry.
I will live the life you pretended to capable of, and this is your reaping.
I have pity for you and for that I am sorry. Had I not
I am now very dangerous to...doubt
I am dangerous to the idea of "fear".
I am dangerous to the idea of "idleness"
I am dangerous to the idea of "failure"
I am your ANTI and I am dangerous to you in my success.
I have pity for you and for that I am sorry but not at all responsible.
Owning my shit! You own yours and for that I am sorry but not responsible.
I have said a prayer for you and made a sacrifice in your name.
I will say a prayer for you and make a sacrifice in the body of our mother Africa for your sake.
You are in your reaping and for that I am sorry but not responsible.
I believe in it, all of it. I am part of the problem if not the solution. My hands cant stay clean and I am who I say I am.
I am as good as my word, first last and always. Are you? NO.
I am dangerous because I am in motion.
Stand. back. Stand. back.
I love you all. More than you know and more than I wish I did.

That was honestly done all at once after my morning meditation folks. ain't that a caution. Some of it is a bit confusing but all of it is organic. Now it is evening and time for Yoga and green tea. I have been told that I am losing weight too fast but my herbalist says that it has to do with the meditation and purging of toxic junk both physical and psychological....I feel better than I have in a long time so I wont question.
Next time the Sovereign Council convenes on the question of Cain the Reaper Sovereign and her pathology. I gotta do some more research first though.
Be Safe and be true and know that for all our pretending Karma sees and knows the naked truth behind the lies so don't bother getting dressed!
I love you all, and I mean it!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Stream of Consciousness Part I

You're the Devil
Please....compared to me, the Devil is a hack.
One night long ago I listened with intent to myself.
She was angry and hurt and it was my fault.
I stopped thinking about myself once for about half a year. Not one time did make a move for my self preservation. I am embarrassed about this now but only slightly. The Karma isn't mine so...
I have not compromised any of the beliefs I hold.
I don't do Thanksgiving and so I didn't. I don't do Christmas and so I wont.
Even when others try to pull me away from she who is me I hold fast to her. I am proud of this.
I feel beautiful and smart because I am now always ME , and it is not always accepted nor is it always easy but it always fits.

I am completely immersed in community, finally. I dig in and work for the Collective WE. I love US all. Even YOU. I even hope you have the life you want rather than the one You DESERVE. I now hope you never get the payback you are owed, but I know now that you will and it will be painful and it will affect more than you. For that I pity you, which is so counter to how I felt when I first saw you naked in your real self. I hated you then. Not now, you're the only one hating you now. Find Peace

I will be in AFRICA in a little over a year. I am thrilled and terrified. I will be in Italy in less than a year and I am Thrilled but not terrified. The dichotomy of these emotions hurts the me who is African. We have let so much slide in our Community. We have failed to keep our word and without it what are me? It is why I have purged and never looked back even when I watch others wade and revel in their hypocrisy and self delusion. How can I help? What can I do?

I love children. I may not ever give birth. Odd. I am fine either way.

I have two Sarges and one them has hands like a God. The taste of him is a drug, I'm a junkie. I had to stop communicating with him just to stay sane. When he wears me like a glove I am most myself. I am so female next to him I can't think of anything but surrender and submission. I let him turn me out and I encourage him to rule me. I am his to use but he never exploits it, which makes me that much more a slave to him. Shame on me, feminist that I am...

All right my friends, that is all for now. I was just kinda flowing after my meditation, it helps me sort what has come to the surface in my solitude. Give it a try it is nice.
Be Safe be true because when last I checked passing the buck doesn't fool Karma one bit.
I do love you all, even YOU. But you still owe it to yourself to get true brother. Damn, I cant believe that I actually forgive you. I hope that when Karma comes to collect you have enough saved...I honestly do.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. It feels so good to feel good. Damn! I love you all!

A Quick Note--More tonight!

Hey Y'all! I havent forgotten about posting the pics from the events I have attended but I wanted to make sure I got this out there FIRST!
I want to go to THIS on December 18th! It is free and so you need to clear your schedules!!!!!!! NO EXCUSES, NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS! I am GOING! PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!
Things just keep falling into place for me and for that I have to thank the Great Goddess and make sure what I put into the universe is positive and true. I will be back later today with a real post friends

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

If you are thinking that Karma will pass your house think again. The bloody mark on your door is an invitation....
I love you all, be safe and be true!