Monday, August 23, 2010

A while ago I mentioned something about settling

for less than you deserve in life. I wanted to clarify what exactly I was referring to. You can call it a mid-life crisis I suppose (I do) or you don't have to classify it as anything in particular. Whatever, I'm rambling...I turn 39 this year and honestly I'm okay with it for the most part. Now I'm not thrilled to death to approaching the big 4-0 but hey at least I still approaching things, if you get my meaning.
The thing is, I'm getting on in years and I still have a bunch of things I want to get done, ya know. Not necessarily a bucket list, more like a list of deeds accomplished by the Tammie Snowden Foundation (that's what I sometimes call my collective years of life). I like to think of myself as a company that was established in December of 1971 to enhance the life of the young upstart and founder whom I refer to as Mom. Now since the foundation's inception, there have been many goals and accomplishments, there was the Shoe-tying of 1974, the momentous reading of picture books of 1975 a full year and a half ahead of schedule,
likewise there have been some setbacks such as the great squandering of talent back in 1990 that lasted roughly until about the spring of 1993 when I finally enrolled in college (I had graduated high school in 1991 and took some time to uhm "find myself"). To the foundation's surprise, I wasn't lost I was actually just lazy.
Later milestones included the first House Party of 1984 (thanks Bridget) and of course the First Real Boyfriend of Highschool (that would be you Roderick--you were cool then and you're cool now). Now that the Foundation has matured (well, to a degree) there are some more serious milestones that have been realized like the First Apartment alone of ...can't remember and First car of...get this...2009 (yeah, to be fair I moved around a lot and I didnt know if I would be good for motoring, well that and the crazy debt from that whole first line of credit fiasco of 1994 and the subsequent Paying off a ton of dumb debt conclusion of 2008--this really set the foundation back a few years. Moving along there was the first trip out of the country of 2002 (Jamaica) followed by the Are you Crazy you cant travel overseas after what happened to the Towers of 2003 (English Countryside and London).
The foundation has been busy sure, what with the Published Work in a Literary Journal of 2004 and the Head shaving and dreadlock growing of 2002-Present.
The Foundation has only scratched the surface of the all the things it needs/wants to accomplish. this is how I (the Foundation) ended up with whole settling epiphany.
I have always been a bit of a free spirit and I've always been pretty careful about not getting stuck in a rut, but now I feel like I need to move a little faster. I got no real beefs with work, frankly I like what I do, I got no beef with school, I like that too.
I just have so much on my list that I wondered if I should just scrap the list and cruise since everything's going good and I got my health. Well I took it to the Board of Directors and frankly I was laughed out of the meeting. I think I'll keep having my adventures and grab what can from the Universe. The Foundation was pleased and agreed to fund the turning forty trip of 2012 a full year early in 2011.
At any rate, dont settle, and neither will the Foundation
Happy Karma!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Alienation of Affection

I was reading about Fantasia Barino of American Idol fame and apparently she is facing some tough times due to some choices she made regarding the husband of a woman in North Carolina. Reports indicate that the scorned wife could file an alienation of affection lawsuit against Fantasia. The woman claims that she has a tape of her husband and Ms Barino in a compromising position during their marriage.

There a few states left that still allow alienation of affection lawsuits: Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. It seems pretty plausible to me that southern states and Utah would have these laws but Illinois seemed a bit less conservative to me, of course it was an assumption based on what I know of Illinois which is honestly not much.
Anyway, the lawsuit would pretty much hinge on whether or not the married couple were legally separated before or after Antwuan Cook and Fantasia became involved.

There have been successful lawsuits against "home-wreckers" in the past so, I can see how Fantasia might feel overwhelmed by the idea of going broke behind something she may not have been privy to.

I referenced this topic because I wanna know what people think about "alienation of affection" and if anyone thinks this nothing more than a chance to get legal revenge against a woman or man who crossed over into someone else's yard.
 I've got my ideas about men and women who cheat. I think dudes who cheat and the chicks who get with them pretty much deserve one another for a couple of reasons,
1. You get what you pay for, and when you get a person who will literally betray someone they claimed to love to their faces, well, you end up paying for it big time.
2. Sometimes, people are meant to be together. I mean, hey, sometimes people really arent meant for one another, and the heart just wants what the heart wants (of course they should let one another know before they set out to betray and lie and such).
3. There's something to be said for a person who chooses to make the mistake that the cuckoled (sp) spouse has no idea they are making. Seriously, you set out to win over someone who obviously doesnt value the committments they make? That's pretty ballsy and certainly ill-advised but yeah, it takes a bullet proof soul and massive cajones.

What about relationships that are not recognized by a court of law? I mean some people believe that cheating is only cheating if one is married. I think that is a big ass cop-out.
  • Not everyone believes that a piece of paper makes a relationship, I'm one of those people.
  • Not everyone is allowed to get married in our great United States and they certainly consider their relationships to be quite important and most certainly valid.
If two people make a clear commitment to one another, profess love for one another then fidelity is certainly implied, yeah but nice try.
Think of relaitonships you had as a young person in highschool even. You werent married but the pain of the breakup didnt recognize the fact that you hadnt flown in relatives and made them RSVP for chicken or fish.
People who use this line of reasoning are a bit suspect to me, for reasons I won't mention.

At any rate, can one really steal affection if a significant other is out there handing out the supposed exclusive love and attention they claimed was all for you? What say you?

Happy Karma

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Mama's Got A Brand New Prompt.

I haven't been able to write as freely as I once could for some reason and a friend suggested that I leave the idea part of writing to someone else. So she sent me over to for some inspiration...So Here it goes.

Lou Holtz (don’t ask me who that is) once said, “life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.” Do you believe this? Describe a time when you feel like you could have responded a different way and produced a different outcome.

I agree with Lou Holtz's statement.
Life is about choices and decisions based on those choiceless, sometimes random things that float into our lives and threaten to decide a course for us. Now if we do nothing and just let what happens to us, well, "happen" then we are not living our lives and that, to me, is the biggest offense to the whoevers and the whatevers that put you on this big blue marble.
That being said, how about a story?
Some years ago I was in a relationship (or rather I thought I was, he on the other hand, thought different). Well the relationship went south in a big way.
He left and three months later he was married to someone else.
It hurt, BAD.
The way I dealt with the emotions associated with the breakup are indicative of the amount of control I felt that I had over my life at the time and the amount of worth I placed on the person I was at the time.
I was angry and my way of dealing with it was not all productive and it really added undue drama and trauma to my life.
The truth is that what happened was pretty minor in the grand scheme of things (the dude wasn't the man for me by any stretch of the imagination and I was certainly not the woman for him) but my reaction to it amplified it beyond reason.
I would have healed faster and would have been more open to genuinely good people sooner had I reacted from a place of reason rather than emotion. I should have assessed why I would want such an individual in my life and recognized that focusing on such a train wreck of a relationship only trapped me in place, a bad place. In my case a 10% incident received a 90% reaction and caused 100% stagnation.
 I'd say Lou Holtz nailed it!
Happy Karma!