Saturday, March 8, 2014

The Heart of the Matter...

I was recently directed to a note written about me (I suppose it was supposed to function as a bit of an apology although there was no mention of responsibility or culpability on the part of the writer in particular). It was more or less a tighten up the affairs sort of note. I understood it for what it was. Loose ends. I know I don't want any ragged bits hanging about after I have crossed over into the mysterious shadow lands of the non-sentient.

I think a lot about what is on the other side of life.
  • Does our energy reconnect with the "star-stuff" from whence we evolved? Oh my but I do hope we rejoin our star stuff parents. If so then we will be here when it all truly changes or ceases and what a wonder we are then huh?
  • Are we a part of the swirling entropy that makes up our atmosphere? no less amazing but I'd rather travel to the outer reaches of the universe once I'm released from this mortal coil.
  • Maybe we don't go anywhere because what we were in these bodies is all there ever was/is. Surely not as fantastical as the previous two scenarios but still pretty amazing considering we actually did exist, at least for a time.
No matter which of these scenarios is our truth or if none of these is a truth at all, certainly we should try to impact this world while we exist in it.
  • I want my impact to be one that inspires others in some way. Well, in some positive way.
  • I certainly hope that I have not lived only to be a sore spot in history for someone.
  • I want to at least have earned the true forgiveness of anyone I have harmed or whose world was unpleasant because I ever occupied space in it.
  • I want most to be a force in hereafter. To be felt and to be relevant in some way. It can be physical or it can be other but I want it to BE, ya know?
I'm sure all of this has much to do with the people I love who are currently battling one bitch of a disease or another. I find them inspirational and strong and I hope so much to be like them in some small way when I am facing the great war of my life.  Well, it seems this post took a turn for the better. I didn't really have high hopes for it considering the initial topic but here we are...
Be good to the people around you. Give much, love much and be better than you were yesterday.

Later Taters!

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Back again for the umpteenth time with a nice stream of consciousness to annoy and confuse...

I haven't been blogging regularly, which is to say that haven't been writing regularly. I've been preoccupied with work, my level of fitness and of course my mother's health (which is improving by the way). I wish I were one of those people who keep all of the plates spinning during times of unrest but it seems I completely stall on a lot of fronts when my world is jostled. Perhaps the most important of those abandoned fronts is my writing. Writing keeps me sane and I have not been doing it to any decent degree and so, my sanity is surely to have suffered. I like to think I am getting back on track. I started eating right again and I feel much better. My mother has only one chemo treatment left and has weathered the past three treatments quite well; although I believe the emotional toll to be higher than she would like to recognize.  She would never admit to feeling other than happy and grateful which bothers me because I want her to know she can lean on me emotionally even though I am the sensitive one in our family. She doesn't have to cry (I covered that during her initial diagnosis) but she is free to express her feelings, whatever they may be without the worry of sending me into a well of despair (crawled out of that thing with the help of MDW as usual). I get why she is so tight-lipped, its how we operate. We're not complainers. We tend to weather our storms quietly and offer smiles, and laughs to those we know would rather not see the cracks in the foundation. And now here I am, attempting to repair my foundation with the caulk of writing. I am already feeling less tense.

All of my small woes aside, I still can't complain. She's here (mother), I'm here, and our small piece of  the first world moves forward pretty steadily. Sure there are questions of equality to be tackled and certainly our children are dodging the same prejudices our parents and grand-parents fought so hard to minimize and eradicate but there is no war waged on our streets as in other countries and that is certainly something for which to be grateful.  I want to do something. To be a doer of things that impact and uplift or merely ease the burdens of others.  I want to be useful. I believe myself to be useful in my job of serving our veterans. I know that I am because I enjoy my job and I perform it quite well, on purpose. I seek opportunities to be useful in any capacity for those who have served and who will seek benefits when their service is done. It is important to me. More important than I could have known five years ago when I started.

But what will I do now? What more and extra thing will I do to prove my desire to help the world of someone?  I will speak aloud about what I know. What do I know? Well, there is the question of the day. I know a lot about a few things and a bit about a lot of things and maybe that will help someone. I know it would help me to get it on a page and into the hands of others so...I think I'll dust off the laptop and court carpal tunnel for myself and the world.

Its safe to say I'm  back...

Friday, September 13, 2013

This is not my Review of Riddick...

Well, although the weather would have us think otherwise, summer is over. Kids are back in school and parents are breathing a bit easier I suppose. I'm still shaking off the Con-crud I picked up from 4 days at Dragon Con but it was certainly worth the trouble for sure. I went to writing panel hosted by Michael Stackpole while I was there about writing serial novels and it was extremely enlightening. I bought the book, well I bought the writers career starter pack which included 21 days to a novel, rules for writing and how to write a serial novel. I only recently started going through the material and it has really gotten me moving which made that 10 dollar investment well worth the cash!

I think my biggest issue with writing is being too....I dont know a good word for it (and I call myself a writer). I like to write about world ending scenarios. Give me an apocalypse and I'm at home if I'm being completely honest. I also like to incorporate strong females of color (black, Asian, native-American). Further still I like to have other typically marginalized characters. What happens to disabled individuals during a post apocalyptic rebuild? People in wheelchairs? People with learning disabilities or otherwise mentally impaired or differently-able? Everytime I see a sci-fi type post apocalyptic type movie, ethnic minorites and the disabled seem to be conspicuosly absent, unless they need someone for us to sympathize with for 10 minutes before they kill them off and then get back to the business of the same old cast of characters saving the earth, saving themselves or putting civilization back to rights...(dont get me started on Riddick.  That's a rant for another time).

My point is that even though I see the omissions I have to fight against the urge to fall in line for the sake of gaining a guaranteed audience, which would honestly make my writing a lie if I did fall in line.

I'm not sure if this post landed where I wanted it or if I was even aiming at a landing pad but there it is. I guess I'll get back to that book, my writing isnt gonna write itself (is that anyway to construct a sentence? Probably not but there it is and I'm decidedly sleepy so...