Monday, January 9, 2012

Its Raining Cats and Dogs today

of course the rain was supposed to come two days ago and then it was only supposed to be a sprinkle. Well here it is and there are tornado warnings for the city until 10am I think.  Despite the rain, or rather because of it I think today will be a good one...I'm off today as part of my Alternative work schedule and I had planned to wash the car (of course) and get an oil change which I now plan to do next weekend.  So...yesterdays rant has been weighing on my mind...wait not yesterday, the day before...see, I'm so concerned about it I feel like it just happened.  What do I do to transcend this?  I don't feel the hurt that I felt then, not even by a long shot but the embarrassment is just massive for me.  That's the thing, I felt so damn embarrassed by the whole affair and I dont know how to shake the feeling.  It has nothing to do with the other parties involved, at all.  Its about my Ego.  I dont like to admit it but I'm a hot head...and usually hot heads have big Ego issues.  They get defensive and aggressive because they dont want the world to see them as weak or vulnerable and I can certainly attest to that!  But why should I care so much how I am seen? Because it can make you a target? Maybe...or it can make you seem laughable? Sure...but I owe myself better than that and I owe the people I am close to better as well.  I'm ashamed of my schadenfreude (shameful joy) over someone's misfortune.  I am degraded by my  rejoicing, however slight, in that regard and I will work daily to conquer this undesirable attitude.  My apologies to the universe for my inability to grow in this most important aspect.
Happy rainy day Monday and be decent...

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Wait..I havent been here since November???

that hardly seems possible!  Anyway, the new year is moving along nicely!  We had a New Years shindig at our place since the Guthries were coming into town and all. GREAT FUN!! Great food (if I do say so myself), great friends and so much fun...If you have a group of friends you hang with, get the game Taboo! It is Epic! What else? Oh work is going pretty well, I'm gonna take the Certification test this year in August close to my anniversary date for the job and if it goes as I plan I'll move on up the ladder at work.  I know that I pretty much write this blog for myself because all of my feedback comes via Facebook but I like having this little known space for my less humors thoughts.  I can come here and vent as I please for the most part and that is a good thing.  I'm not really in vent mode right now (well I kinda am) but I will say this...Karma is real...well to me anyway.  I havent done anyone a bad turn in a very long time because of how bad turns seemed to follow my ass everytime I made a move in the past and yeah that sounds like specious reasoning but hell, I only have to sell it to myself and I'm already buying so...grain of salt and what not. 
Anyway, someone who did me a bad turn is getting the turn of the century (yeah I know that isnt the way to really use that phrase but keep reading) and now, their life is a massive FAIL. and I mean freaking Apocalypse type fail.  The thing is, this person didnt just wrong me, they left a string of victims in their wake and of course demonized all of us as the authors of his own misfortune.  This person has insane delusions about their knowledge base, their capabilities and unfortunately their worth in the lives of others.  NOW, and only just now in their 40s are they beginning to see how much SUCK they truly are as individuals and Universe help me, a tiny piece of me, I mean the smallest sliver of me wanted to toast that fucking disaster.  How bad is that? Bad right? Sigh, I know its bad but man...they really hurt my feelings and my life with their bullshit (granted really its my fault for being so fucking pathetic and codependent at the time but still) and just knowing that they have to breath in bullshit from now until they cease to be physical mass just made me feel GOOD.
Ultimately of course, I feel bad for them. I pity them completely, but I honestly feel bad that their life is so much in disarray. Not enough to like, tell them that of course, from this day to my last I will live and die never contacting this person or anyone even remotely associated with them (Despite the fact that I'm told that she believes me to have contacted her in some way...and prattled on about me saying things to her. Are YOU fucking kidding me?  Why would I ever actually contact YOU? I dont even know what the hell...just...really? Anyway, some anonymous clown contacted me pretending to be someone else (I had the good sense to know better than to believe that mess---you're a real Mental Giant by the way). I'm enlightened but I'm still not up for getting chatty...Ah Vanity...nicely done.
Where the hell was I? Oh yeah, Life's teabagging this person and that sucks but also not on some tiny level and that really sucks...I still have a lot of work to do on myself...I better get to it...
Watch out for opportunities to be decent and for fuck's sake, don't be so oblivious to bullshit---gimme a break!