Monday, January 9, 2012

Its Raining Cats and Dogs today

of course the rain was supposed to come two days ago and then it was only supposed to be a sprinkle. Well here it is and there are tornado warnings for the city until 10am I think.  Despite the rain, or rather because of it I think today will be a good one...I'm off today as part of my Alternative work schedule and I had planned to wash the car (of course) and get an oil change which I now plan to do next weekend.  So...yesterdays rant has been weighing on my mind...wait not yesterday, the day before...see, I'm so concerned about it I feel like it just happened.  What do I do to transcend this?  I don't feel the hurt that I felt then, not even by a long shot but the embarrassment is just massive for me.  That's the thing, I felt so damn embarrassed by the whole affair and I dont know how to shake the feeling.  It has nothing to do with the other parties involved, at all.  Its about my Ego.  I dont like to admit it but I'm a hot head...and usually hot heads have big Ego issues.  They get defensive and aggressive because they dont want the world to see them as weak or vulnerable and I can certainly attest to that!  But why should I care so much how I am seen? Because it can make you a target? Maybe...or it can make you seem laughable? Sure...but I owe myself better than that and I owe the people I am close to better as well.  I'm ashamed of my schadenfreude (shameful joy) over someone's misfortune.  I am degraded by my  rejoicing, however slight, in that regard and I will work daily to conquer this undesirable attitude.  My apologies to the universe for my inability to grow in this most important aspect.
Happy rainy day Monday and be decent...

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