Monday, January 9, 2012

Its Raining Cats and Dogs today

of course the rain was supposed to come two days ago and then it was only supposed to be a sprinkle. Well here it is and there are tornado warnings for the city until 10am I think.  Despite the rain, or rather because of it I think today will be a good one...I'm off today as part of my Alternative work schedule and I had planned to wash the car (of course) and get an oil change which I now plan to do next weekend.  So...yesterdays rant has been weighing on my mind...wait not yesterday, the day before...see, I'm so concerned about it I feel like it just happened.  What do I do to transcend this?  I don't feel the hurt that I felt then, not even by a long shot but the embarrassment is just massive for me.  That's the thing, I felt so damn embarrassed by the whole affair and I dont know how to shake the feeling.  It has nothing to do with the other parties involved, at all.  Its about my Ego.  I dont like to admit it but I'm a hot head...and usually hot heads have big Ego issues.  They get defensive and aggressive because they dont want the world to see them as weak or vulnerable and I can certainly attest to that!  But why should I care so much how I am seen? Because it can make you a target? Maybe...or it can make you seem laughable? Sure...but I owe myself better than that and I owe the people I am close to better as well.  I'm ashamed of my schadenfreude (shameful joy) over someone's misfortune.  I am degraded by my  rejoicing, however slight, in that regard and I will work daily to conquer this undesirable attitude.  My apologies to the universe for my inability to grow in this most important aspect.
Happy rainy day Monday and be decent...
Us

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