Cabin In The Woods---A Review and oh yeah, SPOILER ALERT

“Yeah, I had to dismember that zombie with a trowel. So what’s new with you?”

What can you put in a movie script that has to have everything? Well for starters, you can add Freddie from Angel, Andrew from Buffy, throw in some Joss-isms and call that mofo  a Movie my friends. 

How do you feel about blood sacrifices? I know, me too! That was purposely vague and I won’t clarify it later because, trust me when I say this, you don’t know what you don’t wanna know. Give it a minute, it’s a bit of a thinker.

I’m not gonna lie to you, this movie had me at the title.  If you know anything about horror movies you know that calling something “Cabin In The Woods” means you’re getting young foxy kids in a remote setting, gratuitous breast shots, gyrating blondes, tough guy jocks, a stoner (are they still called that?) and of course bikini romping. But wait there’s more!

What the viewers know that the Foxy kids don’t is that for all of their youth and “my-whole-life-is- ahead-of-me” type attitude, the setting is ripe for a little hack and slash action. Who do these kids think they are anyway? Sure you’re beautiful and strong and you don’t have those wing things under your arms or that turkey waddle thing under your neck but I’ll tell you what else you don’t have, a reliable car that doesn’t stall when a zombie with one arm and bear trap on steel chain comes a-calling!

This movie gives you everything you need  to be lulled into a false sense of safety only to be slapped back into reality with a spike to the throat, or a demented clown or a phantasm or that “thing” you know pushed your closet door open a crack right after your Mom hit the lights and closed your bedroom door.

There is a part in this movie that literally left mouths agape with utter terror, disbelief and hysterical laughter. Yes the Joss Whedon trifecta! Again, I wont tell you more about it but when you see it you’ll know. And once you know, you’ll have that uncomfortable laughter you get when something is not just heinous, but true and also seriously funny.

This movie is so much “win” because once the heads start rolling and the sorta-virgin sacrifices get under way, they never ever stop and THAT my friends is not only how movies are made but also, precisely how the world will end.