Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Review of "Super Eruption"- Hey...

that's Syfy's title, not mine. Although it is fantastically misleading!
So I had the misfortune of watching SyFy’s original movie “Super Eruption” a couple of weeks ago and let me just say, I; ME; Tammie the Queen of Corny, was horrified by the absolute wretchedness of the film. Now I’m not talking about the acting (YET). I’m not watching anything that will get an Oscar nod…that ain’t really how I roll. The problem was of all things, the utter and just ridiculous disregard for even the idea of plausibility. Okay, to be honest I went into the movie with a bit of an attitude. I don’t like movies that make nature the enemy per se. You know those movies where a killer tidal wave is gonna hit the serene town of some decidedly landlocked place (although that is ALWAYS hilarious). I hate that crap because why not just have people’s garbage begin to eat them and sacrifice their bones to the planet to stave off the revolution Nature will eventually be forced to start? Or something like that…I haven’t worked out all the bugs but you get my meaning and if you don’t then you should  not be reading reviews of the craptacular movies I like to see (although I’m glad you are). Anyway, I only knew one of the actors and frankly Watson is the one who noticed him and jogged my memory. Remember The Sentinel? Yeah I know, I didn’t either at first but when I did remember it I  thought “oh, that’s cool. I remember liking that show,” so I settled in for what was surely going to be one lava-hot thrill ride at Yellowstone national park.  Okay so it opens with The Sentinel parachuting DIRECTLY into the center of the eruption with NO protection whatsoever! I mean no mask for breathing since there was ash and burning cinders from all the shrubbery that was literally blazing out of control. No protective clothing. Just Jeans and a long sleeved button down (He’s aged well. He is becoming quite the Silver Fox) Anyway, He was trying to save his daughter and some other non essential hangers-on so maybe he had you know, some of them “Sentinel” powers. Who knows. well, he’s trying to save them but we don’t find out if he does because the cut scene takes us to like “several weeks earlier”. Now, I see this and I remember “Sharktapus and of course Croc-a-saurus” and think to myself, “awesome, they’re gonna Tarantino this bitch,” so I’m way stoked. Then it happens, the Sentinel, Starts. Talking. WTH? If this dude ain’t a cardboard cutout then I’m not ultra tacky with way too much time on my hands. And I think we can all tell by my taste in movies, my Lepoard print window treatments and my Zebra print with glittered accents water bottle that I am indeed ultra tacky and I need to get out and exercise more.
I digress…so the Sentinel is uhm “acting?” and we meet this science chick and I applaud SyFy original movies for making the women in these movies strong, smart and funny but this woman took the darn cake. She’s…get this…a volcanologist who DABBLES and that’s the word they used y’all, dabbles in 1. geo-chemistry, 2. trans-mutational time travel (or something like that) 3. physics 4. some other obscure and or made up science. Okay, so real scientists, that are like for real, say that Yellowstone has the capacity to blow up some day, cool, I can dig it, but everything else is crazy-town in this movie. But I mean like real crazy not, like silly-get-the-heck-outta-here crazy but serious roid-rage barfight crazy! Because THEN we get to the part where that super-science chick is talking to herself from the future through her computer. Yeah, that’s right! Boom! That was the sound of your mind being blown---right out the back of your freaking skull! This movie was like Dante’s Peak (which was also aired on SyFy in the past) and like a time travel sorta thing thrown in which frankly should have made this movie really POP! So if you get bored and this movie comes on, do something that goes against the very core of the couch potato sci-fi nerds being…get some darn exercise. Sweet mother this film was bad, even with a SENTINEL who frankly should have you know…sentineled or something…This movie was not the gold that was Swamp Shark! Not even a little!

Happy Karma and Syfy

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