Saturday, December 15, 2007

Okay! Sorry for the weeklong break! Catch Up and Some Personal Stuff

But school was out and I just had to get some stuff done!
1. I needed to nail down my hiking trip to Arizona and the Grand Canyon for one. In case anyone wants to meet me there I will be there the weekend of January 18th! Got my ticket last night on I was going to use my frequent flier miles but I decided to save them for something this summer.
2. Today I am going to go ahead and register for the Brown Bloggers Conference in Atlanta. I figure I would check it out and maybe meet some of the cool ass bloggers I read so often. Y'all better be regular and down to earth or you'll break my beautiful Pagan Heart!
3. I had to clean up! I had papers all over the place from my constant writing endeavors over the semester.
4. I had to finish a short story that a wonderful e-zine will actually publish hopefully! Thanks PurpleZoe, You know how I love that Underground Movement of yours! You're a beautiful and informed GEM! Keep Shining sister!
5. Meditate, Meditate Meditate! There was so much junk left over from earlier in the year that all my progress was struggling to take a front seat in my life. Thanks to the Great Deity above I found my center (
there is a really tacky joke in there but I am gonna leave it alone). You have to give yourself time to heal before you can even process and enjoy the things that will make your life yours. So DETOX all the junk and only fill your system and space with positive foods and situations. I keep forgetting to post my meditation procedure for anyone interested. I promise I will in my next post. It is really easy but very effective.
I was really hurt earlier this year. I mean I was ripped, gnashed and bleeding love onto the pavement y'all. I hadn't kept my word to myself and Karma showed me my lies in the form of someone equally flawed (I would like to say they are more flawed than I but those judgments are not mine to make).
I had to deal with the fact that I had trusted the wrong person.
WAIT! Let me finish.
I trusted someone even though there was the tiniest part of me that told me no.
Okay, for a minute I was so down over how this person treated me that all I could do was write venom. You remember my rants, right? Well I had to bleed out completely and I did. I was reading their blog and her blog and just ruining my own Light with effects of his darkness.
But then I started digging into to my own thought processes and dealing with my own issues and realized that I had betrayed myself by not listening to myself. In short I had not kept my word to myself. That was my aha moment as Oprah would say. I never went back to either of their blogs. EVER. I couldnt tell anything that he is doing or that they are doing because none of ME is about THEM. That simple. I really want them to be happy together. I dont know if they will but I do know that Karmic-ally there are some debts due. Anyway that is theirs to wade through "together" hopefully. Back to the Femigog! LOL
You see I had a plan for my life and honestly I had just let my plans fall to wayside while I worked myself silly for any goal that wasn't mine. In short I made choices that took me away from the life I had/have planned.
1. I want to write for a living. I stopped writing for a time (not because of the person only of course, I had just put a lot of other things before this goal). Now I seem to be well on my way to writing for a living. I cant even begin to put into words how I feel about this (aint that a caution? a writer at a loss for words).
2. I wanted to get healthy and go Vegetarian again. I didn't while I was putting others first. (I am only NOW in the final transition phase to an ORGANIC vegetarian lifestyle.) I gotta tell ya that I never felt better.
3. I wanted to travel more. I have a few trips planned and am paying on a trip to Africa right now. We are still trying to find a good Italy trip for August. We have to get this done this month though! LOL! We cant see to come to a consensus but we will and you will here it right HERE first my friends!
4. I want to recoup the money that I spent helping someone who presented themselves as a friend and then betrayed their own word. I have been catching a few overtime hours and trying to sell some writing services (tutoring, writing clinics, ect.) I get the feeling this brother wont be staying true to his word or even apologizing to the universe for his behavior. I hope he at least apologizes so that Karma will know his intentions. Peace Brother. The Universe still loves you.
5. I want to feel and give love to the people I meet and the people I know. That simple. I want to radiate the beauty of community, caring and HONESTY to everyone I am in the company of. I want that for all of you as well. Everyone should feel love from within and infect everyone and thing they encounter with that love.
Alright folks! I am back for real and the next post will be about the Pixie's new love interest, The Jesuit. I already love where it is going! Oh and there is this hip-hop group that is just fantastic and I want to use their lyrics for the Jesuits pursuits. I am gonna finish the write up and let them read it and ask their permission.
Although I think someone may have hated on me and convinced them to negate my interest in their sound. Hey man! Shame on you if you did what I get the feeling you have done(God(dess) Bless you Brother).
I have a plan B (another really good group actually).
Be safe Be true and know that one good turn deserves another. Always be as good as your Word. In the end that will determine what the universe hears and returns to you. Hell Karma has fucking sonar so be careful about what you put out there!
Dude, just think about paying me back every time you put on something I bought for you. At the very least, keep your word. I have kept mine to you. I hope you find all happiness in your endeavors and I hope that you give that happiness to the people around you unconditionally. On a side note I hope you at least attempt to pay me back. I could use that money for my trip to Africa actually.
I LOVE you all! I really do and I appreciate all the healing I have done in public and with total truth on this spot!
next time we get our science fiction/ fantasy on!


KimPossible said...

We love you too man! Blogging is such a great environment to heal. You get to really be vulnerable and let out all of your feelings. The good thing about your post is that you realize your mistakes. Sometimes we can go through life and keep missing the mark because we don't take time to get to the root of our issues. So, kudos to you. What goes around always comes around. That's why it is so important for us to do others how we want to be treated. I am still mastering this.
I am glad that you are going to Arizona. I wish I could go with you. That is way kewl! I can't wait to here about it!

I am adding you to my blog roll. Don't be a stranger. I hope you complete everything you need to this weekend. It looks like you have a long list. Do it boo!

Have a great weekend!


Mizrepresent said...


This touched me in so many can't even imagine...i too have had a pretty deplorable 07...but i learned a lot, still learning...most of all learning to love myself, to accept rejection and to move has not been an easy process and it has affected my writing drastically, but even with that i am still being blessed, so i can't stay mad, or sad for any reason. This blog thing has in many ways been a blessing and a curse...what you said about your blogger friend, and the whole situation, wow! say i have walked in your shoes would be an understatement...i am now crawling out under my rock, trying to walk, but there are times i realize that i might have to crawl awhile. People think you are invinceable, that HURT and DISSAPOINTMENT can't cripple you...but it can, until you let it go. The rain falling today, the sweet music i'm playing, sad but sweet is like a balm to my soul, and your words are just what i needed to hear, this moment in time. Best of wishes to you...really, and when you make to the ATL (please let me know when you are coming) i will show you the geniune, down-to-earth me and a good time.

Femigog said...

KimPossible@ I have added you as well. I really dig what y'all got going on over there and I will be a regular. You are right about me seeing my mistakes and owning them. I cant pretend I have no culpability then I would have to relinquish all my growth and I aint about to let that happen.

Femigog said...

Miz@ I feel you big time sis! Man! This brother knew he could hurt me and on more than one occassion did it just because he could. The problem with that was that I let him time and again. As soon as I decided that each day I would wake up with him and "us" in the past I noticed I was finally healing.
I will be hitting you up in the ATL for sure so I hope you were serious about showing me the town sis!
peace and love!

CapCity said...

FemiGOG! SisTAHHHH! So, it ain't just me, huh? This 2007 seemed to be a year of great learning hopefully leading to some healing... I'm SO looking forward to the FRUITS of 2008;-). Came by to send u a cyberHUG & wish U & yours a wonderful HollerDay Season. I am also grateful that our cyber-paths have crossed. Looking forward to meeting U at a future Book Event (lately, I've been immersed in Ms. Butlers Parables;-).

The [In]Urbane Goddess said...

Sister Femigog,
It's always remarkable to reflect on how the pain we endure empowers us so, IF we are willing to allow ourself to truly learn the lesson. I'm loving your blog.

lea78 said...

Femi we all know what I have gone through this year. Learning how to forgive was a big step for me this year. but it allowed me to heal and I am still healing. Let that fool put on whatever he wants to and he doesn't have to pay back a dime(screw him) He gave you yourself back, and there is no greater gift that you could receive from a looser. Blogging saved my life, I have wanted to write for years, you know just get my story out. Do you, take them trips, attend that conference, get yo motherhood on in Africa. He probably wishes he still had u!

Shai said...

Femi, I was there too. I trusted someone even when my gut said no. It took me having knots in my stomach and my gut screaming to let him go. SMH.

Last year, a man I loved (I don't love him anymore) got married and did not tell me. We stopped seeing each other and talked on a regular. Dude had put my computer together and what not 3 weeks before he got married. He thought he was slick and hid it. I had someone tell me he was giving out invites at work to the wedding. I got him. I sent him a congrats card and a letter terminating having anything to do with him.

Anyway, it took until this year until I was delivered from my love for him. Whew! It was a wonderful release. I learned alot too this year.