Thursday, December 6, 2007

Part the Second--Purging The Demons or Becoming One?

Classes have ended for the semester and I am elated. A new Sovereign segment is in the offing soon friends never fear.
My night was stellar and I am elated. I meditated more readily and easily this morning which is a good thing. upon completion I came here to my journal to let loose the thoughts that came to the surface and released them from my being. This is stream of consciousness and so the disjointedness cannot be helped. I will post my method for meditation if anyone is interested. The process is uncomfortable at first but you will come to welcome it in time. Here it is, unedited and unapologetic----
The lover knows what I am withholding. Good. I like his attention to detail, the digging into me he does. I am anthropology and archeology to him. A study. Good.
My meditations are now necessary when they used to be ornamental or a luxury at best.
The solstice is right around the corner and I have a bad habit to sacrifice on sister moon's altar.
My birthday is right around the corner and I am indifferent. The lover is young and excited. Strong. Tactile and angry. The Prototype. An Alpha. Yeah. He is a DARE.
My passport photo is updated but the injections that are to come in 8 months will take some getting used to. I hate shots. I distrust medications. Animal testing is criminal.
What delusions are am I living in? That I ever loved certain people. I will never SAY aloud that I did not. This is a flaw. It will surface and become....
What are yours?
What are ours?
Who could I hurt to make my point? No one, never just to make a point. Always to protect myself first and them second? Good.
What will I do in the face of self preservation? Anything. I could kill.
I love two men who both love me. I feel for them and rejoice for myself. I could live without either. Is this good? Is it right? It is me.
I will now and always have what I want FIRST.
I am now very dangerous to.....

Damn it! I have a new interest. Patience. Be careful boy. Praying Mantis? HA! At the very least....
I am better at this than most...
I am very dangerous to...
I have forgiven but I will collect...through Karma.
You are in danger, and for that I am sorry.
I will live the life you pretended to capable of, and this is your reaping.
I have pity for you and for that I am sorry. Had I not
I am now very dangerous to...doubt
I am dangerous to the idea of "fear".
I am dangerous to the idea of "idleness"
I am dangerous to the idea of "failure"
I am your ANTI and I am dangerous to you in my success.
I have pity for you and for that I am sorry but not at all responsible.
Owning my shit! You own yours and for that I am sorry but not responsible.
I have said a prayer for you and made a sacrifice in your name.
I will say a prayer for you and make a sacrifice in the body of our mother Africa for your sake.
You are in your reaping and for that I am sorry but not responsible.
I believe in it, all of it. I am part of the problem if not the solution. My hands cant stay clean and I am who I say I am.
I am as good as my word, first last and always. Are you? NO.
I am dangerous because I am in motion.
Stand. back. Stand. back.
I love you all. More than you know and more than I wish I did.

That was honestly done all at once after my morning meditation folks. ain't that a caution. Some of it is a bit confusing but all of it is organic. Now it is evening and time for Yoga and green tea. I have been told that I am losing weight too fast but my herbalist says that it has to do with the meditation and purging of toxic junk both physical and psychological....I feel better than I have in a long time so I wont question.
Next time the Sovereign Council convenes on the question of Cain the Reaper Sovereign and her pathology. I gotta do some more research first though.
Be Safe and be true and know that for all our pretending Karma sees and knows the naked truth behind the lies so don't bother getting dressed!
I love you all, and I mean it!


PurpleZoe said...

"I am dangerous because I am in motion."

You are so freakin talented it's ridiculous.

Would love to know what meditation technique you use also.

Happy Friday and Congrats on the free time period you're entering. We will all benefit from it.

lea78 said...

Damn Femi, it must be the Sag thing(my bday is Monday), I felt all that you were saying, I wish that I could write it as well as you. On my blog roll I have you listed as Karma's Luva. I love to come here, I always find myself feeling better. I wish we were in the same city. I wish I had more strong women like you in my life. If I could just get a lil bit of your wisdom I would be satisfied. I hear the voice that says, " be patient, with trials and age you will find your wisdom as well"

Kawana Aminata Oliver said...

I Love your post Gurl ;-)

Lovebabz said...

This is an awesome post...loved it! I am adopting as my own--this Baddddd, Happy Holidays Sister!

Invisible Woman said...

Very off topic, and I don't mean to sound superficial, but how was the Slick Rick show?

Luke Cage said...

And I LOVE my favorite FEMIGOG! And missed you too. I'm back. Are you happy to see me again? ;)

Don said...

@ self-preservation...kill, anything:

::knodding my head in total agreement::