Monday, December 3, 2007

Stream of Consciousness Part I

You're the Devil
Please....compared to me, the Devil is a hack.
One night long ago I listened with intent to myself.
She was angry and hurt and it was my fault.
I stopped thinking about myself once for about half a year. Not one time did make a move for my self preservation. I am embarrassed about this now but only slightly. The Karma isn't mine so...
I have not compromised any of the beliefs I hold.
I don't do Thanksgiving and so I didn't. I don't do Christmas and so I wont.
Even when others try to pull me away from she who is me I hold fast to her. I am proud of this.
I feel beautiful and smart because I am now always ME , and it is not always accepted nor is it always easy but it always fits.

I am completely immersed in community, finally. I dig in and work for the Collective WE. I love US all. Even YOU. I even hope you have the life you want rather than the one You DESERVE. I now hope you never get the payback you are owed, but I know now that you will and it will be painful and it will affect more than you. For that I pity you, which is so counter to how I felt when I first saw you naked in your real self. I hated you then. Not now, you're the only one hating you now. Find Peace

I will be in AFRICA in a little over a year. I am thrilled and terrified. I will be in Italy in less than a year and I am Thrilled but not terrified. The dichotomy of these emotions hurts the me who is African. We have let so much slide in our Community. We have failed to keep our word and without it what are me? It is why I have purged and never looked back even when I watch others wade and revel in their hypocrisy and self delusion. How can I help? What can I do?

I love children. I may not ever give birth. Odd. I am fine either way.

I have two Sarges and one them has hands like a God. The taste of him is a drug, I'm a junkie. I had to stop communicating with him just to stay sane. When he wears me like a glove I am most myself. I am so female next to him I can't think of anything but surrender and submission. I let him turn me out and I encourage him to rule me. I am his to use but he never exploits it, which makes me that much more a slave to him. Shame on me, feminist that I am...

All right my friends, that is all for now. I was just kinda flowing after my meditation, it helps me sort what has come to the surface in my solitude. Give it a try it is nice.
Be Safe be true because when last I checked passing the buck doesn't fool Karma one bit.
I do love you all, even YOU. But you still owe it to yourself to get true brother. Damn, I cant believe that I actually forgive you. I hope that when Karma comes to collect you have enough saved...I honestly do.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. It feels so good to feel good. Damn! I love you all!

6 comments:

PurpleZoe said...

We love you 2 ^_^

lea78 said...

Femi Says:
I do love you all, even YOU. But you still owe it to yourself to get true brother. Damn, I cant believe that I actually forgive you. I hope that when Karma comes to collect you have enough saved...I honestly do.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. It feels so good to feel good. Damn! I love you all!
-----------------------------------
I have learned that forgiven someone makes you love others so much more. I love to sit in solitude and then come out and right. I find my heart and mind to be clear and pure at that moment. Stay blessed and I love ya too

Literary Felonies said...

"I feel beautiful and smart because I am now always ME , and it is not always accepted nor is it always easy but it always fits."
***********************************

Feelin' you right here! This is sooooooo me- absolutely. Oh and much, much love right back!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

u will love africa woman and will not want to come back just stay a few monhs at least cause u just cant visit to experience it

Sojourner G said...

"I had to stop communicating with him just to stay sane."

I am SO with these outpourings of your mind.

Mizrepresent said...

Dayum that was deep, but i especially could feel this:

"I have two Sarges and one them has hands like a God. The taste of him is a drug, I'm a junkie. I had to stop communicating with him just to stay sane. When he wears me like a glove I am most myself. I am so female next to him I can't think of anything but surrender and submission."